Tag: remembering names

How to remember new names using the simple Nickname Technique.

I love meeting new people. Which is a good thing. Because on this planet of 8 billion people, there is an endless supply of new people to discover. I meet new people through work, speaking engagements, parties, and a wide variety of social, professional and everyday situations. But like you, If I am not careful I forget names. And I don’t like that.

So I have made a commitment to absorb and retain the names of the people I meet. After all, people love it when you not only remember their name but prove you know it by using it in conversation.

Remembering and using names creates intimacy between people. Real relationships start when you learn the other person’s name. Because you can’t go very deep without starting with this foundational element. And how are you going to connect on social media if you don’t know their name? They don’t have an app for that.

“Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

― Dale Carnegie

Lately, I have been looking for new people I can meet and practice my name-retention techniques.

Here is the 6-Step Nickname Technique I use to dramatically improve name-retention.

Step 1: The first step is to actually consciously try to remember the names of everyone you meet, even before you meet them. Preparing your mind before each encounter makes you a ready receiver, primed to Randy Moss that name.

Step 2: I like to be the one to ask for the other person’s name. It’s kinda like being a baseball catcher putting your glove up to tell the pitcher you are ready for them to throw the pitch your way. Only it’s way easier on your knees. If you let the other person share their name before you are ready, it may fly right past you. If this happens, ask them to repeat it. I will also ask people to spell their name if their name is unique. (If they spell it U-N-I-Q-U-E I know their name really is Unique.)

Step 3: Once the other person shares their name you want to nickname them. Connect the person’s name with something distinct about them. This could be their look, their profession, or where you met them. This leads to fun nickname filings in your Memorodex like Network Ninja Najee (My Spectrum internet tech), Up-In-My-Mouth Mindy (my dental hygienist), Eileen Eyelashes, Big Booty Betty and Gorilla Grip Greg.

Note: these nicknames simply serve as your personal reminders of their name in your head. When you use their name drop the Big Booty part.

Step 4: Next, say their name right away. Try something like, ‘It’s great to meet you, Greg. Nice handshake!’

Step 5: Continue to use their name in your conversation to drill it home and lock it in your mind. You might suggest even suggest singing the name game song with them. I especially like to do this with guys named Chuck and Buck. (Message me at adam@theweaponry when you realize why.)

Step 6: Soon after your conversation write their name down or connect with them on social media. I keep a list on my phone with nicknames for quick reference.

A Recent Example

Yesterday I had a great chance to put my name-remembering challenge to the test. A man came to my house to pump out our septic tank. (We called his company ahead of time. He wasn’t a door-to-door septic tank pumper.) When I greeted the man I reminded myself to find something about him that I could use to remember his name.

I introduced myself by saying, “Hello! My name is Adam!”

The septic tank-pumping visitor smiled back at me and said, “Hi! I’m John!”

I giggled on the inside. I knew I would have no problem remembering John’s name.

Key Takeaway

Make an effort to remember names. Go into introductions ready to remember. Then use the nicknaming, repeating and writing-it-down techniques to lock that name in your brain. Name retention is a great skill to develop. It makes you appear more interested in the other person. It helps you deepen your relationship with others. And it makes you a valuable resource to name forgetters who come to you for name help.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

I have a new and improved way to exchange names with new people.

There are roughly 8 billion people on the planet. You can categorize them in all kinds of ways. You can group them by their gender, smell, like or dislike of mushrooms, or their opinion on various TikTok dances.

But I find it most valuable to sort people into 2 simple groups:

  1. Those whose names I know.
  2. Those whose names I don’t know.

One of my most important goals here on Planet #3 is to shift as many people as possible from Group 2 to Group 1. Because real relationships don’t begin until you exchange names.

For most of my life, I have used a very simple introductory technique. During a conversation or in response to awkward proximity, I traditionally made the following statement:

‘My name is Adam.‘

While I have used this line thousands of times, I have not been very happy with the results. And if you are going to use a technique thousands of times, you should really like the results.

The 2 main problems with this approach

First, the other person doesn’t always know what to do next. I am always amazed when I share my name with another person and they don’t respond by sharing their name with me. It feels like I have whacked the front of their knee with a small rubber-headed mallet, and their foot did not kick forward. Which makes me think there is something wrong with their wiring.

The other problem with my introduction technique is that the name retention rate is fairly low. In other words, The other person doesn’t absorb or remember that my name is Adam nearly as often as you might expect. Especially given the fact that I just told them my name right to their face.

However, I read Jocko Willink and Leif Babin’s book Extreme Ownership. So I find it useful to explore how I am at fault for the lower-than-expected retention rate. As a result, I have radically transformed my standard introductory technique. Today, when I want to get to know someone better, I use the following new line, that I wrote myself:

‘What is your name?‘

The results from this approach have been amazing. I have found that nearly everyone knows their own name and is willing to share it when prompted using this technique.

But wait, there’s more!

I have also found that far more people remember my name when I use this technique, as measured by a name-based goodbye at the end of our conversations, and first-name greetings on follow-up encounters.

Contributing Success Factors

When I ask you for your name, you know the answer and are prepared to share it. I am also fully prepared to receive your name because I just asked you for it.

However, the real magic of this technique comes in Phase 2 of Technique 2.

In Technique 1, the receiver is not always ready to absorb my name. While well-intentioned, my initial name share could come in hot, like a ball thrown at someone when they didn’t have their hands up and ready to protect their nose.

In Phase 2 of Technique 2, when the other person asks to know your name they are prepared to receive the answer. So when they hear your name they already have created a space for it to live in their brain. It might be on a shelf, hanging on a wall, or on a comfy bean bag chair, depending on how the other person has decorated the namespace in their brain. But because that space was prepared before you shared your name it is far more likely to be found later when the person needs or wants it.

Key Takeaway

For more successful name exchanges ask for the other person’s name first. This sequence enables both parties to be best prepared to remember the other’s name. Plus, it feels fun to have someone ask ‘what’s your name?’ Because in the movies, that’s the question the gatekeepers always ask right before they give the main character their big break.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The most valuable thing you can exchange with a stranger this holiday season.

Welcome to the heart of the holiday season. While it is a time full of great gatherings and good cheer, it is also a time full of encounters with perfect strangers. Like Balki Bartokomous and Larry Appleton.

I want you to try an experiment. Over the next 24 hours note how many people you encounter that you don’t know. I warn you, it may freak you out. Most of us live anonymously in a sea of strangers. They are everywhere. Like minivans. Yet we have become immune to these strangers that surround us. It’s as if they disappear when we ignore them. Like reality TV stars.

I was reminded of my own anonymity a few years ago at my gym. After I scanned my membership card, the guy who routinely works at the reception desk said, “Have a good day, man”.

A normal person would have just done what they were told and had a nice day. But instead, I asked the guy working the counter at Elite Sports Club, “What’s your name?’  He replied, ‘Andrew’. I said, ‘My name is Adam’ (that’s my go-to).  We shook hands. From then on, every time I saw Andrew we greeted each other by name. We had real conversations, instead of an awkward, “Hey-Man” relationship.

Insiders vs Outsiders

Everyone we encounter in business, at holiday gatherings and at the grocery store is either an Insider or an Outsider.  The difference is whether or not we know each other by name.  That sense of familiarity and friendship that can only develop once you know a person’s name makes an enormous difference on this planet, where we are so often surrounded by John and Jane Does (that was supposed to be Doe-plural. But it looks like does, doesn’t it?).

I think about names at work. At the advertising agency, The Weaponry, we encounter people when we visit our clients that we don’t have to know by name. The receptionists. The people who sit next to the conference rooms where we make too much noise.  The IT person who inevitably saves every presentation. But I want to meet them too. So I make a habit of introducing myself, by name. Suddenly we are not just people who see each other regularly. We become people who know each other, by name.

Key Takeaway

Convert more of those people you see or say hello to regularly into people you really know by name. It’s easy. Introduce yourself, by name and ask for their name in return. Write the names down. Remember them by starting a list with the names of people you meet and a description of who they are on your phone or in a notebook. Refer back to the list as necessary. The rewards are profound.  Just ask Andrew from Elite. Or Norm from Cheers.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.