Category: self improvement

If you really want to be inspired look for these amazing people.

When you don’t perform well there are always excuses available. Something about the situation or the conditions can be called on to explain away your subpar results. And often times those excuses sound really good. Like Zooey Deschanel singing in the shower in Elf.

But there will also be people who could have used the same excuse but didn’t. People who could blame the weather, the short prep time, lack of sleep, the economy, or their plantar fasciitis. But the people in question didn’t need to use any of the available excuses. Because they performed at or above the expected standard anyway.

One of the best habits you can create is to surround yourself with the people who perform anyway.

The people who perform anyway are those who experienced challenges and setbacks, were thrown curveballs, had additional constraints, or deficiencies. They had all the same excuses that the excuse-makers had. Yet they performed anyway. They achieved anyway. They succeeded anyway. They finished the job. Even if they weren’t Finnish.

When you train yourself to see the people who performed anyway, you will find a winner’s mindset. You’ll discover people who rise to the occasion, not sink to the condition. These people are found in every area of life. In every corner of the globe, in every sport, business and school. They are found in every economic class. And they will inspire you to perform at your best despite the challenges you face.

Key Takeaway

Excuses are always available. But never necessary. Rise to the occasion. Don’t settle for the situation. Do what you set out to do, regardless of the challenges you face. You will not always be a person who performs anyway. But by looking for those who succeed despite their challenges you will change your view of what’s possible. It will raise your expectations. And you will dramatically increase the percentage of times you perform anyway. That shift will transform your life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Have you thought about your personal curb appeal?

Everyone who has ever shopped for a home knows the term curb appeal. It refers to the immediate impression that a home makes when you pull up to it. It’s the real estate version of judging a book by its cover. Only it’s a really big book. And the cover features a circle driveway, begonias, and a couple of garden gnomes.

Brand Curb Appeal

Brands and businesses have to think about their curb appeal too. You have an opportune moment to impress your potential customers when they first encounter your brand. That first impression can either help sell or unsell customers before you even mention the advantages of your non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant on cereal. Or sledding hills.

Personal Curb Appeal

But it’s also important for us to think about our own personal curb appeal. When people encounter you for the first time what do they see? What do your clothes, shoes and hair signal? What does your posture say about you? What message is your face sharing with the world? Do you have RBF? Or PMF? (Post Malone Face)

Is there something in your personal curb appeal that helps you stand out from the crowd and makes you interesting, unique and memorable? If not, think about what that could be. What’s your signature attribute? Just as a home benefits from a beautiful door, noteworthy landscaping or remarkable lighting, you also benefit from your memorable differentiators.

If you don’t yet have any memorable differentiators, now is a great time to discover something that serves you well. It could be something about the way you dress. Hats, shirts, ties, pants, belts, socks and shoes are all great options for creating interest and distinctiveness. So are other accessories, like watches, glasses, purses, canes and monocles. And you will really stand out if you rock 2 monocles at once.

But your personal curb appeal can also be enhanced by the way you carry yourself. Your visible energy, warmth, friendliness, happiness, charisma, kindness or professionalism can make a strong first impression, even from across the room, or across the street. Those attributes help make you immediately noticeable, likable, recognizable, and several other ables that are able to create immediate and lasting advantages for you.

Key Takeaway

It is important to consider your personal curb appeal. A home’s curb appeal helps increase the perceived value of the home. Your personal curb appeal will do the same for you. It helps you get noticed. It helps people remember you. It will inspire others to seek you out. Which helps improve your network and exposes you to more and better opportunities. You’ll find that life is better when great people and great opportunities are magnetized to you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Here’s the most underrated influence on your growth and improvement.

Comfort vs Discomfort

It is one of the most interesting battles in the human experience.

We have an innate drive to seek comfort. To find safety. To avoid suffering, pain and awkwardness. Which is why we keep those pictures taken during puberty tucked safely away, only to resurface in wedding reception videos.

But if we give in to our desires for comfort our world shrinks. Our growth stops. And we squander our time on a couch, in bed, or on a lounger at the beach attempting to explain away our shrinkage.

But there is another epic force within all humans. The desire for growth. The yearning for self-improvement. The hunger for badassery. (Which science has proven to be even greater than the hunger for whatever you gave up for Lent. #peanutM&Ms)

The Power of Discomfort

Human growth is stimulated by discomfort.

That discomfort comes in many forms.

Putting yourself in new and novel situations.

Pushing your body physically to the bounds of your strength or stamina.

Trying new unnatural behaviors and responses.

Attempting techniques that feel foreign.

Applying the non-intuitive.

To become the best version of yourself, abandon the safe and face the threatening.

Because each time you do, you grow. You learn. You expand. You strengthen. You improve. And you increase in valuable ways.

Helen Keller, one of the greatest growth artists in human history (but a terrible driver) put it this way:

‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’ -Helen Keller

Question for you:

How much time, energy and thought do you put into making yourself comfortable? Compare that to how much you focus on creating personal discomfort. As you change that ratio you will change your life.

Key Takeaway

To become the best version of yourself it is important to get comfortable with discomfort. Seek it out. Create it. Embrace it. Because discomfort is the condition that precedes all growth and improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Want to be an overachiever? Here’s the simple formula.

My friend Steve recently left me an interesting voicemail. He called to talk about some of my kids’ recent successes. But I couldn’t answer when he called because I was busy with kids’ stuff. It felt like I was living the lyrics from a sappy country song that you might use for a graduation or wedding video. (I will totally be making that video, with that song.)

When I listened to Steve’s voicemail, the following line stood out:

‘Wow! From what you have been sharing on social media lately it looks like your kids are really overachievers!

-Supportive Steve

Specifically, the word overachievers donged in my head. (Kinda like the dong you hear every time you see Long Duk Dong in 16 Candles.)

I know that Steve was being kind. And, yes, I share my 3 teenage children’s successes on the socials. But I never thought of my kids as overachievers. So I asked my wife Dawn if she thought our children were overachievers. She laughed and fired back an emphatic No! So I knew I wasn’t crazy. Or a bad dad. (At least not for this.)

So I found myself analyzing the word Overachiever. Overachieving is really about exceeding expectations. That is not what is happening with my children. In fact, my 3 kids are generally at the standards we have set together.

This is a result of 4 important factors.

  1. We have discovered and supported our children’s talents and interests.
  2. We have set reasonably high standards.
  3. We think long-term, and set long-term goals
  4. We believe in the power of compounded effort.

As a result, our children have put a significant amount of effort into various combinations of academics, music, and athletics. (There also has been a significant amount of effort put into not emptying the dishwasher.) And you get out of life what you put in.

The Not-So-Secret Formula

The key to achievement is to identify your talents and interests. Then work consistently to develop them into strengths over a long period of time. This means several years. Or decades. When you do you will pull away from those who dabble at the same activities.

Because when you doggy paddle you don’t make much progress. But if you learn a basic swim stroke, and apply it repeatedly, day after day, year after year, you can swim across an ocean. And when you get to the far shore, people will say, Wow! You swam across a frick’n ocean! How did you do that? The answer is simple. ‘I learned a swim stroke, and just kept repeating it until I ran out of water.’

Success is usually some combination of the following two areas:

1. Gaining strength or stamina

2. Refining technique

Both of these things are done slowly over time. Most people don’t have the patience to stick with these activities long enough. They become bored. Or distracted. Or don’t feel like the effort is paying off fast enough. But if you stick with your activities long enough you will find yourself in another world. Thanks to the compounding effect of your efforts.

So what is overachieving? It is simply normal achieving, done consistently over a longer timeframe.

Key Takeaway

To become an overachiever, find your talents and interests. Do the little things you need to do to improve in those areas. Practice your technique. Work on your strength. Build your stamina. And then just don’t stop. Eventually, those efforts will carry you past all of those who put in less effort, inconsistent effort, or stop working altogether. When you surpass those who achieve the norm, you will be considered an overachiever. And people will call you to congratulate you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

You are going to make mistakes. And when you do, make sure to forgive yourself.

To be successful at anything you have to try. Trying is the requirement that proceeds all progress and growth. But when you try, things don’t always work out the way you planned. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you make mistakes. And sometimes you have an epic wardrobe malfunction.

Failure and mistakes come in all shapes and denominations. I have made a frajillion mistakes as an entrepreneur, writer, speaker, coach, parent, husband, son, brother, friend, neighbor and driver. Heck, I once dropped my 6-month-old over a railing at a Zoo. I have made so many mistakes you could fill a museum with them. But if you do, make sure to put it on a large piece of land. Because like Boeing, you will need to keep adding wings for all the mistakes I still have in store.

While I certainly make mistakes and get things wrong on my self-improvement journey, I also do something right. I recognize that making mistakes is part of the process. So I don’t beat myself up over them.* In fact, I am quick to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. (*When Dr. Dre wears Beats by Dre headphones, does he feel like he is beating himself up?)

Because I am quick to forgive my mistakes, they don’t eat away at my confidence. I expect mistakes and recognize that I am nowhere near perfect. So the blemishes and shortcomings and missteps don’t damage my self-construct. Conversely, I expect to learn from my mistakes. And I expect to steadily improve as a result. Because that’s what I was born to do. #warmitupchris

Easter had me thinking a lot about forgiveness. In fact, once you get past the bonnets, bunnies and brunch, you remember that Easter is all about the forgiveness of sins. And sin is just a short biblical word for mistake. In the Christian faith, Jesus was the ultimate forgiver. (That guy was dying to forgive people.) That was really his main thing. Plus, he invented a very popular necklace. You’ve probably seen it.

Holding on to your mistakes and focusing on them is the biggest mistake you can make. The best thing to do is acknowledge your mistakes, study their causes, learn from them, and put systems and processes in place to prevent them from happening again. Then move on. Recognize the value in your mistakes. Profit from them. Even thank them for the lesson. And then leave them behind. You are not your mistakes. They are simply a byproduct of having a human experience.

Key Takeaway

Mistakes are an unavoidable result of trying. It’s hard to get things right all the time. Especially when you are interacting with other complicated humans. But the big mistake is dwelling on your mistakes too long. Learn the lesson. Let them help you grow and improve. Then forgive yourself. It will lighten your load and prevent you from becoming a problem to yourself. Remember, you have to be your own greatest advocate. That includes giving yourself permission to get things wrong, forgiving your mistakes, and always believing that tomorrow you will be better than you are today.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why no one else can see the most important work you do.

Your self-improvement work is not obvious work. It is not showy. No one can watch you do it. It would be pretty boring to watch in a zoo. Or in a red-light district. Because it happens on the inside. In fact, the most important work you do is changing your mindset, your beliefs and your habits. And not just changing. Upgrading.

Upgrading Yourself

Upgrading your thoughts is big. Upgrading your responses is huge. Upgrading your whole operating system changes everything.

This is why education is so important. It exposes you to new ideas that you can incorporate into your own thinking. But it is not enough to educate. The application is where the value appears. So you must first understand that there is a better way, then act in that better way. This is the basic plot of the movie Billy Madison. (This classic film also includes important reminders of the power of nepotism and some top-shelf potty humor.)

The More You Learn…

Develop the habit of learning new ideas. This is done through curiosity and a desire for self-improvement. It will lead you to seek and find new and better sources of information. You’ll find it in classes, books, articles, podcasts, blogs, videos, experts, and fortune cookies. (And even in books about fortune cookies.)

Apply Your Knowledge

Once you have better information, it becomes knowledge. Applying your knowledge in your various roles makes you a more valuable contributor.

Think about everything that you know you should do today. Eat right. Sleep well. Exercise. Read. Work in focused and productive ways. Invest in your relationships. Invest your money. Give back. See a doctor. Floss. Close your barn door. You and everyone else on the planet know that you should be doing those things.

But are you doing them?

There are two types of people:

  1. People who know the basic actions they should take. (This includes nearly everyone.)
  2. People who take the basic actions they know they should take. (This includes far less than everyone.)

This means that basic action is the great separator of people. But go beyond the basics. The things everyone knows they should do. Self-education helps you level up. It helps you discover the other things should you be doing if you want to be even more valuable in your career, as a spouse, parent, or friend. What is the next level of health and fitness? What is the next level of investing? Or productivity? Or spiritual enlightenment? That knowledge comes from more curiosity and more self-directed learning.

Just like a pyramid, that may or may not have been built by aliens, there are fewer and fewer people at each level as you ascend. Which means that the success pyramid is really a matter of attaining knowledge and then applying that knowledge. To take a full step higher you have to do both: attain and apply. Because it is the person who applies their new knowledge and self-improvement that is ultimately successful.

Key Takeaway

Always be learning. Educate yourself on new and better approaches to all areas of life and work. This is the invisible work of self-improvement. Then put that knowledge into action. And when you do it will change your life in ways that everyone will see.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Thoughts on extroversion from a raging extrovert who doesn’t believe he’s an extrovert.

I like good theories. They help simplify the world and make it easier to understand. They create order and predictability. But I often find that theories don’t apply to me.

Take the theory that people are either introverts or extroverts. I liked this theory when I first heard it. It seemed intuitive. It seemed obviously correct, at first. But it felt most correct when I applied the theory to others. It has always felt much less correct when I applied it to myself. Kinda like makeup.

Most people would categorize me as an extrovert. They would call me outgoing, personable, or engaging. They may call me a talker. Or talkative. Or loud. And sometimes I am. And sometimes I am not.

My great friend and University of Wisconsin Track and Field teammate Bryan Jones used to call me Sybil, referencing the 1976 film about a woman with a multiple personality disorder. I thought this was a funny observation. B.J. noted how I could laugh and joke around in the locker room, but when it was time to practice or lift weights, everything changed. No joking. Just intense focus, and yes, even quiet.

I am far too complex of a machine to simply label as an extrovert. Although most people will never see past an oversimplified categorization. I am outgoing. I interact easily with others. I can be loud. Really loud. Sorry, librarians. But that’s only part of me. The highly identifiable part. But just a part.

The other part of me is different. I enjoy my time alone. Because I like to think as much as other people think I like to talk. That’s why I enjoy my commute. That’s why I enjoy a long road trip by myself. I enjoy walking the dog, with or without a yo-yo.

While I have met many fun and interesting people on airplanes, I engage with my seatmates less than half the time. (And I don’t mean I only talk half of each flight.)

I write a lot. Writing is a quiet and solitary act. The kind of writing I do for my blog and my books requires a lot of self-reflection and analysis. This is the world of the introvert. And I spend a lot of time in this world. Which is why I identify with The Little Mermaid.

I have heard the theory that extroverts are energized socially. Interacting with others recharges them. Conversely, introverts recharge during quiet time alone. Like a mobile phone plugged in on the vanity overnight.

But this doesn’t apply to me for two reasons.

First, I don’t get my energy from other people. God gave me a lot of natural energy. I have a 2-year-old Border Collie named Lola. I see that God gave her the same energy package I got. It’s replenished with food and sleep. But as long as I do those 2 things, the energy is supplied whether I am socializing or not. Baby, I was born this way.

The other flaw in the theory that extroverts are reenergized by socializing is that, unlike Thomas Jefferson, I don’t believe that all people are created equal. At least not when it comes to socializing. There are loads of people that are not energizing to talk to. They are not interesting socially. And that’s ok. We don’t all need to be the Dos Equis man.

My theory is that people fall into 3 categories.

  1. Socially Energizing: These people are fun to be around. You leave interactions with them feeling a boost. Like those nutritional shakes they swig at nursing homes.
  2. Socially Inert: These people don’t move the needle one way or another. There are a lot of people in this category. Like people who go crazy for vanilla, and wear size medium.
  3. Socially Draining: These people are energy vampires. They suck the energy out of you. Sometimes they are negative. Sometimes they are difficult. Sometimes they are obnoxious. They are the reason you have to enter social situations with a prepared exit strategy. And maybe alcohol.

Remember, not all socializing is the same. Interesting, energetic, charismatic, and fascinating people are energy enhancers. Find those people. Spend time with them. But avoid the drains. You would be better off with a little quiet time by yourself. Regardless of how the world thinks you recharge.

Key Takeaway

Theories are nice ideas. But they are not rules. You don’t have to be categorized. Or labeled. Or stereotyped. Humans are custom-made. We don’t fall neatly into types. We are a messy scatterplot of non-conforming machines. You are hard to understand. So am I. That’s what makes this human adventure so interesting.

If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How do you score points every day?

Rapper Ice Cube is known for his hardcore gangster rap. As a member of NWA, he was the lyricist behind such classic hits as Fuck The Police, Gangsta Gangsta and Straight Outta Compton. As a soloist, Ice Cube penned more angry songs like, Natural Born Killaz, AmerciKKKa’s Most Wanted and We Had To Tear This MothaFucka Up. It seems Ice Cube could use a hug.

But Ice Cube’s biggest hit was the smooth groove It Was A Good Day. In the song, Cube recounts the events of a good day. In fact, the whole song is simply a long list of good things that happened to him in a single, ordinary day. In this positive recounting of a good day in South Central L.A., with no barkin from the dog and no smog, we can all learn a valuable lesson about good days.

Creating Good Days

To enjoy good days you need to know what a good day looks like to you. Because once you know what success looks like you can set up a routine to rack up good day points from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep at night. That’s what I try to do every day, like everyday people.

My Good Day

My day starts like Yung Gravy with a strong morning routine. (Floss 3 times baby I’m so clean.) When I wake up, the first thing I do is put a big smile on my face. When I do, I not only feel good right away, but I also give myself a point for day.

Then, if I get out of bed within one or two minutes of my alarm I give myself another point. I make my half of the bed and get more points. I walk to my bathroom and I do a little bit of light stretching. I weigh myself. And I take a long drink from the water bottle I set next to my sink the night before. For each of these activities, I give myself points. If my weight is good I get bonus points. Bing Bing Bing.

The rest of my day works the same way. If I am sitting at my computer by 6:10 am writing I am racking up points. When I publish a blog post, I earn more points. Then I make breakfast and pack my lunch at the same time. I give myself points for both eating well and saving myself money for not going out to eat. Cha-Ching-Ching

I give myself points for leaving for the office by a certain time each morning. When I sit down at my desk at my office I earn more points for creating my Daily Success List. Then I rack up more points for crossing things off that list, like Listerine.

In the evening I earn parenting points for things like coaching my daughter Ava’s track and field team, or my son Magnus’ football team. I rack up points helping with homework and driving my son Johann to piano or saxophone lessons. And for having a good conversation in the car along the way home.

I earn spouse points by spending meaningful quality time with my wife Dawn. That could be as simple as having a good conversation, watching a movie or a TV show together, taking a walk, or planning an upcoming adventure. You have to earn the spouse points every day. It’s fundamental. Like hitting your free throws, sinking your 2-foot putts or wearing deodorant.

I rack up points by eating well, exercising and reading. I earn points when I reach out to a friend or family member. And when I spend quality time with my 2-year-old Border Collie, Lola. I earn points when I laugh or make other people laugh. I earn extra points if milk sprays out of someone’s nose.

Finally, I earn points by wrapping up my day with brushing and flossing. And by filling my water bottle for the next morning so I can do it all over again. And if I get to bed by my predetermined time I get bonus points. Not only because I met my own expectations for the day, but because I put myself in a position to have a great day again tomorrow.

Key Takeaway

A good day is not about extraordinary events. It is simply a day spent doing the things you value. It is a day when you execute your habits and routines. A day when you live the way the ideal you lives. Give yourself points all day long for living up to your own expectations. You will find great rewards in keeping your commitments to yourself and others. You will enjoy the process of improving yourself and your relationships with your family and friends. You will score career points through your productivity and steady accumulation of results. And by keeping a mental tally of all the positive actions you take throughout the day when you lay down to sleep at night you can take great comfort in knowing that today was a good day. And you made it happen.

If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The right way to do everything.

Life is full of verbing. Because as living creatures there is so much to do. There’s all this eating, cleaning, and clothes-wearing. Then there’s the work. And the communicating. And the passions and hobbies. Throw in the phazillion things you have to do in between all the things you have to do and it’s a wonder you ever get anything done.

But what’s the best way to do your thang?

There are best practices that tell you how something should be done.

There is the old-school approach.

And the new school approach.

And the too cool for school approach.

There is the classicly trained way.

The disrupting way.

The fast way.

The slow way.

And the curds and whey.

But here’s the secret everyone should know.

You don’t have to choose any of them ways.

There is more than one way to do everything. Just ask a skinned cat.

Don’t worry about following others. Or the establishment.

Take your own approach.

Your resources and constraints will always be unique to you.

And just like Harry Styles, your tastes and styles are your own too.

Your uniqueness and individuality are your strengths.

Take a non-traditional approach.

Discover what works for you.

There’s a great chance that you will discover a better way.

Or at least a better way for you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The resistance you are facing is a valuable gift.

Life isn’t easy. How could it be? You live on a planet with 8 billion people who are always getting in your way. Throw in gravity, the laws of physics and the constraints of time and space, and life on Earth becomes a gigantic obstacle course. It’s like Wipeout. Only everyone has to carry a coffee and a mobile phone.

But the obstacles are what make your adventure interesting. A video game is an intriguing challenge specifically because of the elements added to prevent you from reaching your goals. Your real life works the same way. Only here in the real world, when you die, you really die. Which means that we are all starring in our own horizontal version of Free Solo.

But don’t curse your challenges. They are a gift. The resistance makes the story. That injury you face is there for you to overcome and make your triumph even sweeter. The bad boss, the job you lost, the pitch you didn’t win, and the thing that broke are all setbacks that set you up for a great comeback.

It’s hard to look forward to adversity. We prefer smooth sailing. But when you reflect on your human experience, it’s easy to see that adversity creates advantages. The resistance builds strength. And friction summons resolve. Those are gifts that stay with you forever. Like luggage.

Key Takeaway

Resistance is a gift. It makes you stronger. More resourceful. More capable. And more confident. Right now, you are becoming a stronger machine. And your story keeps getting better.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.