What makes a couple last for the long haul.

Happy Valentine’s Day! As I drove to work this morning on our annual celebration of love I thought about my wife Dawn, our 21 Valentine’s Days together and the importance of finding the right partner to do life with.

Some people say that you should find someone like you, who shares your same likes, values and styles. You know these people when you see them. Because they are wearing the same clothes.

Other people believe that opposites attract. Like magnets. Or cops and robbers. These people think that it is our differences that make us interesting and holistically compatible.

These are both good theories. But neither one is quite right.

To be truly compatible over the long haul you have a Y-type relationship.

To understand this relationship, simply look at the letter Y. It will show you everything you need to know about creating a strong, long-lasting relationship.

The Y Relationship

To be a highly compatible couple you have to have strong, shared foundational beliefs. This is the base of the Y. It is made of your most important values, and ideals. They may include your views on money, religion, whoopie, parenting, and what home feels like to you. Including which way the toilet paper roll should be placed on the TP holder.

But upon that solid foundation, you need healthy, divergent, balancing elements. This is the top of the Y. This is created by the areas where you differ in style, temperament, strengths, and biases. These differences enable you to take on anything that comes your way. It ensures that the relationship has what it needs to face all challenges. Through these balanced strengths, you can help each other navigate the great challenges and opportunities of life. Plus, it helps you crush at games of trivia.

Key Takeway

It is a combination of alignment and balance that makes a couple work. Celebrate your similarities. But appreciate your differences. Together, they help couples thrive through thick and thin. Thanks to your balanced approaches and perspective, you will both grow more capable, more intelligent and more understanding with each new year you celebrate together. Happy Valentines Day. May you enjoy many, many more.

+ Thank you Dawn Albrecht for completing my Y. Finding you was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me.