Tag: freindship

Unlock the personal and professional benefits of RFF.

You probably know all about RBF.

So you know it’s not the cash register code for a sandwich at Arby’s.

Or a pennant and banner industry term for rainbow flag.

RBF refers to Resting Bitch Face.

It is a default facial expression that makes a person appear unfriendly.

It makes people think you are irritated, annoyed or angry. Even when resting.

And it appears in both women and men. (See Kanye.)

RBF makes people think you are unapproachable

It may be unfair. It may be the furthest thing from the truth.

But if you have RBF, it makes a negative first impression. And it builds a personal brand that works against you.

It sends a message to the people around you that you don’t want to talk.

And Jack White can tell that we aren’t gonna be friends.

Unfortunately, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. (Head and Shoulder’s taught me that.)

But there is another default facial expression that gets far less attention.

And it is far more valuable.

RFF

People with RFF have a friendly default countenance.

It may be a smile.

Or a warmth.

Or kindness.

They look like they would be happy to talk to you.

People with RFF look like they want to be your friend.

Resting Friend Face.

I am talking to this guy in a room full of strangers.

When I was a kid, I lived in 5 different states by the time I started 7th grade. So I learned how to make friends in a room full of strangers. And it always starts by looking for the person with the resting friend face.

Remember when you used to play Red Rover when you were a kid? You would look for the weakest link in the lineup.

Making friends works kinda like that. Only it feels less Lord of The Flies-y

I would ask her for directions.

When you walk into a room full of strangers, you look for someone with RFF as the best person to approach.

They are the person least likely to give you the cold shoulder. And most likely to be interested in having a conversation.

At networking events, people with RFF are approached first.

At a dance, someone with RFF gets invited onto the dance floor first.

At a bar, the person with RFF gets approached. (So be careful if you don’t want to be approached in a bar.)

In business, when the person with RFF walks into a pitch or a sales call, they are immediately likable.

Humans are programed to discern friend from foe.

We do this unconsciously.

Automatically.

It’s coded into our historic software.

That’s why RFF offers an unfair advantage in relationship development.

This guy gets it.

So train yourself to develop your Resting Friend Face.

Smile.

Or Smize.

Train yourself to default to a friendly pose.

Put a pleasant look on your face. It doesn’t have to be toothy.

Uncross your arms.

Put your phone away.

And look like a friend other people would like to have.

Practice in front of a mirror.

Film yourself to find what looks friendly on camera.

See what others see.

That’s a pro RFF!

By developing a RFF you will increase the potential for developing more friendships.

You will develop a better social and professional network.

People will choose to talk to you in a room full of other options. Which will make you feel like Sally Field at the `1985 Academy Awards.

You will be the person others will approach at a trade show, job fair, conference or seminar.

It’s how you get people to approach your booth, table or tent.

You will be the person others will choose to sit next to at a dinner party full of strangers.

And ultimately, you will benefit from attracting more good people into your life.

Key Takeaway

Develop your Resting Friend Face. Practice looking friendly and approachable as a default. You will stand out in a crowd. It will help you grow your brand, your network and the number of great opportunities that come your way.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media. And consider subscribing to Adam’s Good Newsletter.

The most valuable thing you can exchange with a stranger this holiday season.

Welcome to the heart of the holiday season. While it is a time full of great gatherings and good cheer, it is also a time full of encounters with perfect strangers. Like Balki Bartokomous and Larry Appleton.

I want you to try an experiment. Over the next 24 hours note how many people you encounter that you don’t know. I warn you, it may freak you out. Most of us live anonymously in a sea of strangers. They are everywhere. Like minivans. Yet we have become immune to these strangers that surround us. It’s as if they disappear when we ignore them. Like reality TV stars.

I was reminded of my own anonymity a few years ago at my gym. After I scanned my membership card, the guy who routinely works at the reception desk said, “Have a good day, man”.

A normal person would have just done what they were told and had a nice day. But instead, I asked the guy working the counter at Elite Sports Club, “What’s your name?’  He replied, ‘Andrew’. I said, ‘My name is Adam’ (that’s my go-to).  We shook hands. From then on, every time I saw Andrew we greeted each other by name. We had real conversations, instead of an awkward, “Hey-Man” relationship.

Insiders vs Outsiders

Everyone we encounter in business, at holiday gatherings and at the grocery store is either an Insider or an Outsider.  The difference is whether or not we know each other by name.  That sense of familiarity and friendship that can only develop once you know a person’s name makes an enormous difference on this planet, where we are so often surrounded by John and Jane Does (that was supposed to be Doe-plural. But it looks like does, doesn’t it?).

I think about names at work. At the advertising agency, The Weaponry, we encounter people when we visit our clients that we don’t have to know by name. The receptionists. The people who sit next to the conference rooms where we make too much noise.  The IT person who inevitably saves every presentation. But I want to meet them too. So I make a habit of introducing myself, by name. Suddenly we are not just people who see each other regularly. We become people who know each other, by name.

Key Takeaway

Convert more of those people you see or say hello to regularly into people you really know by name. It’s easy. Introduce yourself, by name and ask for their name in return. Write the names down. Remember them by starting a list with the names of people you meet and a description of who they are on your phone or in a notebook. Refer back to the list as necessary. The rewards are profound.  Just ask Andrew from Elite. Or Norm from Cheers.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.