Tag: relationship

Unlock the personal and professional benefits of RFF.

You probably know all about RBF.

So you know it’s not the cash register code for a sandwich at Arby’s.

Or a pennant and banner industry term for rainbow flag.

RBF refers to Resting Bitch Face.

It is a default facial expression that makes a person appear unfriendly.

It makes people think you are irritated, annoyed or angry. Even when resting.

And it appears in both women and men. (See Kanye.)

RBF makes people think you are unapproachable

It may be unfair. It may be the furthest thing from the truth.

But if you have RBF, it makes a negative first impression. And it builds a personal brand that works against you.

It sends a message to the people around you that you don’t want to talk.

And Jack White can tell that we aren’t gonna be friends.

Unfortunately, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. (Head and Shoulder’s taught me that.)

But there is another default facial expression that gets far less attention.

And it is far more valuable.

RFF

People with RFF have a friendly default countenance.

It may be a smile.

Or a warmth.

Or kindness.

They look like they would be happy to talk to you.

People with RFF look like they want to be your friend.

Resting Friend Face.

I am talking to this guy in a room full of strangers.

When I was a kid, I lived in 5 different states by the time I started 7th grade. So I learned how to make friends in a room full of strangers. And it always starts by looking for the person with the resting friend face.

Remember when you used to play Red Rover when you were a kid? You would look for the weakest link in the lineup.

Making friends works kinda like that. Only it feels less Lord of The Flies-y

I would ask her for directions.

When you walk into a room full of strangers, you look for someone with RFF as the best person to approach.

They are the person least likely to give you the cold shoulder. And most likely to be interested in having a conversation.

At networking events, people with RFF are approached first.

At a dance, someone with RFF gets invited onto the dance floor first.

At a bar, the person with RFF gets approached. (So be careful if you don’t want to be approached in a bar.)

In business, when the person with RFF walks into a pitch or a sales call, they are immediately likable.

Humans are programed to discern friend from foe.

We do this unconsciously.

Automatically.

It’s coded into our historic software.

That’s why RFF offers an unfair advantage in relationship development.

This guy gets it.

So train yourself to develop your Resting Friend Face.

Smile.

Or Smize.

Train yourself to default to a friendly pose.

Put a pleasant look on your face. It doesn’t have to be toothy.

Uncross your arms.

Put your phone away.

And look like a friend other people would like to have.

Practice in front of a mirror.

Film yourself to find what looks friendly on camera.

See what others see.

That’s a pro RFF!

By developing a RFF you will increase the potential for developing more friendships.

You will develop a better social and professional network.

People will choose to talk to you in a room full of other options. Which will make you feel like Sally Field at the `1985 Academy Awards.

You will be the person others will approach at a trade show, job fair, conference or seminar.

It’s how you get people to approach your booth, table or tent.

You will be the person others will choose to sit next to at a dinner party full of strangers.

And ultimately, you will benefit from attracting more good people into your life.

Key Takeaway

Develop your Resting Friend Face. Practice looking friendly and approachable as a default. You will stand out in a crowd. It will help you grow your brand, your network and the number of great opportunities that come your way.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media. And consider subscribing to Adam’s Good Newsletter.

Why it’s smart to think about your relationships like fires.

Do you know how to start a fire? Can you use the materials around you to build a useful fire to keep you warm or cook your food? I’m not talking about a Tom Hanks Castaway fire. You can use a match, a Zippo or a lantern and Mrs. O’Leary’s cow if you like. Even Billy Joel knows how to start that kind of fire.

Social fire.

Starting a relationship works just like starting a fire. You first create a little spark. Typically with a question or a comment to another person. Where are you from? Which kid is yours? Do you have any Grey Poupon? Or, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter.

That little spark is all you need to start a small social fire. From there, the valuable skill is to add more fuel to the fire. Ask bigger and deeper questions. This is like adding bigger sticks and logs to the fire. They provide more fuel. More heat. More light. Through this process of feeding the flames with your questions, comments, and conversation, you create your relationships. (My Grampy also used diesel fuel, and sometimes car tires to create his fires. Which today would be a good way to start a relationship with the EPA.)

The fire analogy is also useful because if you stop asking questions, stop reaching out, stop getting together, stop texting, calling, or DMing, the fire goes out. This holds true for personal, professional, romantic, and familial relationships. Zzzppp.

How Are Your Fires?

Are you maintaining your fires? Are you tending to and adding to your relationships? Or didn’t you realize you needed to?

It is okay to let some fires die. It’s fair to stop feeding social fires that require too much work to maintain. Especially when they don’t provide enough heat. And when you can’t find more sticks to throw on the fading embers. In that case, let it go, Elsa.

Spend your time feeding the fires that provide great light. The fires that are warm and nice to sit by. Feed the social fires when others are feeding them too. Keep those flames dancing to the end.

Key Takeaway

Relationships are like fires. They need a spark to start. Then they need a regular influx of fuel to burn warm and bright. Recognize which social fires are hard to maintain, and give them less fuel. Or let them go out. Feed the best fires. The ones that kick off the most heat, the best light and the least smoke. Fuel the fires that are the most enjoyable to sit next to. Those are the greatest inventions in human history. Just ask any caveman.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

What makes a couple last for the long haul.

Happy Valentine’s Day! As I drove to work this morning on our annual celebration of love I thought about my wife Dawn, our 21 Valentine’s Days together and the importance of finding the right partner to do life with.

Some people say that you should find someone like you, who shares your same likes, values and styles. You know these people when you see them. Because they are wearing the same clothes.

Other people believe that opposites attract. Like magnets. Or cops and robbers. These people think that it is our differences that make us interesting and holistically compatible.

These are both good theories. But neither one is quite right.

To be truly compatible over the long haul you have a Y-type relationship.

To understand this relationship, simply look at the letter Y. It will show you everything you need to know about creating a strong, long-lasting relationship.

The Y Relationship

To be a highly compatible couple you have to have strong, shared foundational beliefs. This is the base of the Y. It is made of your most important values, and ideals. They may include your views on money, religion, whoopie, parenting, and what home feels like to you. Including which way the toilet paper roll should be placed on the TP holder.

But upon that solid foundation, you need healthy, divergent, balancing elements. This is the top of the Y. This is created by the areas where you differ in style, temperament, strengths, and biases. These differences enable you to take on anything that comes your way. It ensures that the relationship has what it needs to face all challenges. Through these balanced strengths, you can help each other navigate the great challenges and opportunities of life. Plus, it helps you crush at games of trivia.

Key Takeway

It is a combination of alignment and balance that makes a couple work. Celebrate your similarities. But appreciate your differences. Together, they help couples thrive through thick and thin. Thanks to your balanced approaches and perspective, you will both grow more capable, more intelligent and more understanding with each new year you celebrate together. Happy Valentines Day. May you enjoy many, many more.

+ Thank you Dawn Albrecht for completing my Y. Finding you was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me.

Dawn and I, celebrating the new glass we picked up when we were back home in Vermont last summer. The cover pic was from one of our first trips to Vermont in 2001.