Tag: friendship

How to tap into the great value of a room full of strangers.

A couple of months ago I had a meeting with a board of directors. When I entered the room a dozen people were already there. After I greeted the host who invited me, she cheerfully turned to the room and asked, ‘Does everyone here know Adam?’ This is a question I hear often at my witness protection program meetings.

But I had studied who was going to be in the room. I always prepare for such meetings. From my prep work, I knew that I wouldn’t know anyone but my greeter.

And I loved that.

In that meeting, I was introduced to 12 new people in the town I live in. (Which is kinda like being the defendant in a jury trial.) I met leaders. People who were involved. Successful people. Board members. Good people to know. And suddenly 12 unknowns became known to me. My life improved as a result.

While some people dislike going places where they don’t know anyone, it is among my favorite things. Right behind being in a room where I know half the people. Like at my friend Molly’s recent birthday party.

Molly and I have a lot of friends in common. But she also knows a lot of people I don’t know. Because, as Digable Planet said, she’s cool like that. The great thing about a room half full of friends is that the familiars introduce you to the unfamiliars. By the end of the evening, I had met 14 new people. (Well they weren’t really new people. I could tell they have been people for a while. But they were new to me.)

It all adds up.

Meeting 14 new people at a party or 12 new people in a business meeting is a greater reward than it appears. Because when you meet someone new you are suddenly just a degree away from their friends, families, coworkers, and business associates. Which always leads to an interesting yet unpredictable way of improving your life.

If you conservatively assume that everyone knows 500 people, when you meet 10 new people, you are now a single degree of separation from 5,000 new people. This increases opportunities for new and better friendships, partnerships, introductions and recommendations. You never know when and how those associations may prove valuable. But experience has taught me that the value always appears.

Key Takeaway

Most great opportunities come from humans. The more humans you are connected to, the more opportunities you will enjoy. That’s why a room full of strangers is a room full of value. Take the initiative to make as many new friends as you can. They are among the most valuable assets you will ever collect.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Do you know the most valuable asset you will ever accumulate?

I just got back from a spring break vacation with my family. We were in Florida for a week. The weather was in the 70s. The Gulf of Mexico was blue and beautiful. Which is why my sons tried to sneak half of the gulf home with us in a saturated Nerf football.

Vacations serve as a great reminder that there are 2 ways to create tremendous wealth. At least there are 2 ways that won’t land you in an orange jumpsuit with a lifetime supply of gruel.

The first way we create wealth is through our careers. The money we earn, save and invest through our hard work creates both wealth and financial freedom. Which is good. Keep doing this.

The second way that we create wealth is through the accumulation of good memories. These memories are the result of our life experiences and enjoyable interactions with others.

While having money is good, it is mostly good because you can invest it in creating more memories. And memories compound in value every time you revisit them. You profit from them each time you reminisce, like Mary J. Blige. You profit from them each time you look at your photographs, like Nickleback, Ed Sheeran, or Def Leppard. And you profit each time you talk about your fun, funny or heartwarming stories with your friends and family. Do this as often as you can.

Key Takeaway

Your memories are the most valuable possessions you will ever own. Invest in creating more of them. Collect as many as you can. Spend time thinking and talking about your memories and you will become wealthier and wealthier in the most important way. The older you get the less you will be able to use the money you have saved. But your memories will rise in value all the way to the end. Because your collection of memories is your life. Never forget that.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why you should tell your people that they deserve better.

We always want the best for the people in our lives. But our people don’t always find the best. We’ve all seen friends or family members in less-than-ideal situations. It’s hard to watch. It’s even harder to bite your tongue and not say anything to them. (Or bite your thumbs if you are the texting type.)

Sometimes the less-than situation is a bad job that makes them miserable. Or at a minimum, it doesn’t enable them to utilize their full talents. Other times we see our people in bad relationships. It could be a romantic relationship that isn’t so romantic. Or peers who are putting the wrong kind of pressure on your person. Or any number of lesser situations that bring your peeps down rather than raise them up, like a good Josh Groban song.

What Would Scooby Do?

When you recognize that your people are in situations that are bringing them down, bring it up to them. Let them know how great and capable and worthy they are of more. Encourage them to find the right job, the right people, or the right situation for them.

Your people will know you are right. And they will want better for themselves too. But when you hear someone who cares about you tell you that you deserve more it carries more weight. And more urgency.

If you can help your person stack one more stone on the right side of the scale, you can help them tip their next decision in favor of a better future. Which means you have done your job as a valuable supporter. (Even if you’re not an athletic supporter.)

My Reminder

Last night I saw a good friend of mine at a school event. He is successful, well-liked, and well-respected. But a few years ago he found himself in a position where he wasn’t fully appreciated for his talents, vision and work ethic. His greatness had earned him a major opportunity. But the organization wasn’t worthy of my friend. I could see that he was wasting his time in what seemed like a great role. But it really wasn’t. And I told him so. Last night, he told me that my words to him encouraged him to make a change. Today he is in a job that is just as big, but way better, and far more supportive. Like Spanx.

Key Takeaway

Tell your people in lesser situations that they deserve better. They know it. Let them know you know it too. Show them you care. Add to their confidence. Give them the push they need. At a minimum, they will know how much you care for them. At a maximum, you will help change their life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

There is more than one way to win.

Yesterday I coached my son Magnus’ 6th-grade football team against a really strong opponent. I am the defensive coordinator. Which means that I spent many hours this week preparing for the game.

Here’s a breakdown of my efforts:

  1. I watched game film of our win last week. Then I went all John Madden, and telestrated the game film on Hudl to show our team things they did really well. And things they need to improve. There was plenty of both.
  2. I watched game film of our upcoming opponent to understand their offense. I documented every play and every formation they ran in their past 2 games. Then I strategized a game plan to defend them. I even considered cutting off the sleeves of my hoodie to help me channel my inner Bill Belichick.
  3. I created our 3 different defensive lineups (Black, Red and White) that would ensure everyone on the team got to play defense.
  4. I worked with my fellow coaches Josh Hunt, Jon Eippert, Paul Lillyroot, Scott Steger and Ryan Smith at practice for 2 hours on Monday, Wednesday and Friday to prepare our boys for the Saturday game.

I was confident that we had a great game plan and that our team was talented enough to win the game.

But we got beaten badly.

35-0.

I was frustrated and disappointed with the outcome. But I didn’t throw any chairs, clipboards, or hissy fits. I knew that we were playing a great team. And I saw them do the same thing they did to us to their previous 2 opponents. I realized that sometimes you can have a good plan, feel prepared, and still get beat.

But something interesting happened on my drive home from the game.

In the car, Magnus shared with me and my wife Dawn that the football players on his team sit together at lunch at school. I asked who sat together. He replied, ‘Everybody.’

He continued. ‘It’s really fun. We sit at a table that is supposed to sit like 6 people. But we crowd everybody in. There are probably 15 guys who all pack together at lunch.’

Stunned, I asked Magnus who specifically sat together. He again, said, ‘Everybody.’ Then he listed them by name. And sure enough, he included everyone on his team that attends Steffen Middle School in Mequon. (There are other kids on his team at 2 other schools in town.)

The kids he listed included the stars of the team and kids who are just happy to participate. It included kids who were born and raised in Mequon and new kids who just moved in from other towns and states. All of these 6th graders are in their first month of middle school. Which can be a challenging and lonely time.

As I drove the last couple of miles home after our loss I couldn’t help but think that while we lost the game that day, our team was winning at life. That the team culture we were creating at practice and through the broader Mequon-Thiensville Cardinal football program, and indeed the Homestead High School program, was translating to a winning team culture at school and in our community. The boys have developed strong bonds of friendship and a team identity. And just as importantly, they have someone to sit, talk and laugh with at lunch.

Key Takeaway

Not all of your wins show up on the scoreboard. Focus on developing a team culture where everyone feels included, and everyone feels important. Focus on the goals of unity, support, and continuous improvement. If you do, the wins will surely come. Often in unexpected ways.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media. For more ideas on team culture, look for my next book, The Culture Turnaround that I co-authored with Jeff Hilimire. The book is scheduled for publication in November.

Why you should surround yourself with people who make you better.

The most exciting project you will ever undertake in life is you. You get one opportunity to make one human as amazing as possible. And you have complete control over that human. Except when you get the hiccups or your arm falls asleep.

An amazing life can be defined and measured in a hundred different ways. But you get to choose your own definition. And the unit of measure. Better yet, like The Urban Dictionary, you can change the definition as you go.

But no matter what your self-improvement journey looks like, there is one rule that will never fail.

The best way to become a better person is to surround yourself with better people.

The right people will inspire you. Encourage you. And set a great example for you to follow.

They will share what they have learned. They will push you to push yourself further. They will show you the way. And challenge you to keep up.

The right people will open doors you didn’t know existed. They will demonstrate new techniques. Illuminate new ideas. And show you what you’ve been missing.

Better people pull you up. They suggest others to follow and learn from. They provide better criteria. And set new standards.

Spend time with others who will raise your expectations. Sharpen your thinking. And broaden your view.

Surround yourself with people who maintain good habits. Who will embarrass you for your bad habits. Who will expose your ignorance. And offer you better alternatives.

Spend time with others who reveal your strengths. Who will fuel your confidence. Who will help you strengthen your foundation. And who introduce you to more great people who will exert even more positive peer pressure on you. That is simply the best way to become your best self.

Pro Tip:

Thanks to modern technology and the Gutenberg printing press, you can also surround yourself with great people through books, social media, podcasts, or blogs. The principle is the same. And it’s a great way to augment your social circle if you live in Alaska, have awkward social skills, or live in a concrete dorm with a lot of bars, and barbwire that makes it hard to grab coffee. #ThereIsAlwaysAWay

Key Takeaway

Great people are contagious. When you spend time with them their greatness spreads. It inspires you to do and be more. They provide both a model and a path to follow. And they introduce you to more great people. Which has a compounding effect on your own self-improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have collected, check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How strong is your personal gravity?

Have you ever noticed that when apples break their stematic bonds with trees that they fall to the ground? Sir Isaac Newton noticed. And with this simple observation, he discovered gravity. Which we have come to know as the planetary pull. Gravity is the force that pulls us towards Earth. It also keeps the moon and all of the satellites in orbit. Including the Georgia Satellites. (So don’t give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.)

But planets aren’t the only ones that create gravity. All heavenly bodies do. And you do too. Even if your body is no longer heavenly.

However, not all gravity is created equal. Which is why you feel like you weigh less on the moon than you do on the Earth. It’s why you feel heavier on Saturn or Jupiter. And it’s why you feel lazy when you are on your Uranus.

Your Gravitational Pull

Your personal gravitational pull is a result of the value you create for others and the energy you radiate. The more value you offer and the more energy you emit the more personal attraction you create.

There is an easy way to evaluate your own gravitational pull. Just look at the people you are attracting and ask yourself these 3 questions:

  1. What kind of people are you attracting? This indicates the quality of your gravity.
  2. Are you attracting many or are there few? This indicates the quantity of your gravity.
  3. Is their orbit growing closer to you or drifting farther away? This indicates your relative growth.

Key Takeaway

The great sign of growth and improvement as a human is to look at who is in your orbit. As you grow wiser and kinder you will attract more and better people. Positive energy attracts. Negative energy repels. Dedicate yourself to improving your personal gravity. It will not only improve your own life, but it will improve the lives of those around you. It will attract more great people to your orbit. And that, my friends, is heavenly.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+If you’re interested in more ideas on personal growth and self-improvement, check out my new book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

My 3 driving desires.

Life is an all-you-can-eat buffet. And I want to devour it all. My mouth is watering every morning when I wake up. My alarm clock is like Pavlov’s dog’s dinner bell. It has me rising each morning like Drooly Andrews to the sound of that music.

There are 3 areas of life’s buffet that interest me most. And none of them are Charlie Sheen-ian.

My 3 Driving Desires

  1. I want to know everyone.
  2. I want to read everything.
  3. I want to visit everywhere.

I know this trifecta is impossible to accomplish. Probably. I can’t actually go everywhere, read everything and meet everyone. After all, I am not the Pope. (The hat doesn’t work with my hairdo.) But even unfulfilled, these 3 desires are important drivers. Like Donald and Minnie.

Key Takeaway

These 3 food groups are essential to your growth, wisdom and creativity. These are the 3 great sources of knowledge. The person who devours the most will know the most. Because the more you know about people, places and things the more you know about life. And the more you know about life the more you know yourself.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+If you would also like to read everything you will dig my new book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

A valuable Thanksgiving lesson from a lifetime of eating.

When I tell people that I was a discus and hammer thrower at a Big 10 university it often surprises them. I simply don’t look the part. I am often asked if I was bigger back then. I wasn’t. But I sure tried.

When I was in college I would always eat 3-to 5 plates of food at dinner. In fact, I remember my Grampy Sprau, who was a life-long farmer saying, ‘I have never in my life seen anyone who can eat more food than you can.’ I probably should have been concerned given the fact that this observation came from a man who fattened Angus beef cattle for a living.

Grampy was right. I was really good at eating large quantities. My friends frequently encouraged me to enter eating challenges where if you eat the entire Belly Blaster or Gastronormous Burger you get the whole meal, and diabetes, for free.

A couple of decades of hindsight have revealed that there was a major, long-term advantage to such eating. But it certainly wasn’t caloric.

The Insight

Because I ate so much in college, the people who I sat down with at the start of my meals were usually long gone after I finished plate #2. Which meant that new people would come to sit and eat with me. Or I would grab another plate and sit down with another table of people.

As a result, I would eat dinner every night with twice as many people as everyone else. This just seemed like fun at the time. We were simply hanging out, talking, eating, and stacking empty plates.

This picture of me and my teammate Bob Smith appeared in the Madison newspaper when I was in school. Bobby and I could really throw down some food back then. The paper mislabeled me as my teammate Alex ‘Big Drawz’ Mautz. My late, great, hilarious friend Manny Castro is in the background.

However, as I now look back at that time, after years of grabbing coffee, professional networking lunches, and business dinners, I recognize the real value. I was developing relationships and maintaining friendships with twice as many people as everyone else. I was doing what they would later call networking without even trying. It was a product of my need for food. And my naturally social nature.

As a result, I developed a lot of strong friendships in college. The value of those relationships has multiplied over time, just like any good investment.

Today, I realize that my strong and supportive network has been key to my entrepreneurial success. But more importantly, it has contributed significantly to my happiness and sense of belonging. Because at the end of the day, those are the things that matter most.

Key Takeaway

Enjoy the social benefits of eating with others this Thanksgiving. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to meet more people and strengthen your relationships. Engage in discussions during your meals. Ask questions. Share conversation starters. Be a facilitator. As a result, you can help create shared experiences around your table that will turn into memories that will be enjoyed for a lifetime.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

If you want something good to happen put a date on it.

There was a consistent theme in my week. I had several great interactions with friends, neighbors and business associates. Then, at the end of our call or in-person conversation, the other person said, ‘We really should…’

What followed the really should were things like:

  • Grab coffee.
  • Grab lunch.
  • Talk further.
  • Do this again.
  • Do this more often.
  • Have you over.
  • Plan a retreat.
  • Get together with our whole crew.
  • Not tell the police.

All of those comments were true. We should all do more things together. We should deepen our relationships with others. We should share more and learn and be inspired by each other more.

But in order to do that you can’t let the plans float. #NoFloaters You can’t simply lob a ‘We Should’ out there and think that anything will happen. As JFK said, things don’t just happen. They are made to happen.

Calendar It.

The next time someone floats a good plan your way, stick it on your calendar. Find a date as soon as you can and make it real. Find a time that works for you both that day. Or the next day at the latest.

Then the floating plan becomes a calendared plan. And calendared plans become real plans. It is the best way to make your shoulds, wishes and wants a reality.

Better yet, make your plans repeating events. This could mean you get together automatically every week, month, quarter, or year. Then enjoy the compounding effect of your interactions by making just one easy plan.

Me and my friend Troy Allen made a plan last week to get together in Columbus. And because it was on the calendar, we made it happen. (I know you were checking out Troy’s butt in the mirror.)

Key Takeaway

When a good plan is floated your way make it real by giving it a date. Put it on your calendar. Make it a scheduled event, not just a hypothetical occurrence. By turning your ‘we shoulds‘ into ‘we dids‘ you will live a fundamentally different and more rewarding life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

** If you think we should make a plan together let’s get it on a calendar.

Who would you offer an open invitation to your time?

John D. Rockefeller was a super busy human. The oil tycoon and one-time richest rock on the block could not have been more in-demand. Yet, after meeting William Rainey Harper, Rockefeller so enjoyed their conversation, and was so inspired by Harper’s thinking that he offered him an open invitation to come talk to Rockefeller anytime he wanted.

To be granted Rockefeller’s All-Access pass Harper must have been quite a special guy. Indeed, Doogie Harper entered college at the age of 10, graduated at 14 and earned his PhD from Yale at 19. But you have to imagine that a person of Rockefeller’s wealth and experience met many smart and interesting cats.

This Begs 2 Questions:

  1. Do you have a person that you would offer an open invitation to come talk to you?

Or perhaps more importantly:

2. Who would you have to be to receive such an invitation?

Like one of those cooking shows where they prepared the final dish ahead of time, I have already spent some time thinking about the question. So here is my freshly baked answer:

To earn an open invitation to my time you need to meet the following criteria:

  1. Be kind. Friendliness is the ultimate ness.
  2. Offer wisdom. Having the wisdom of experience makes you a valuable resource. If you’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and hat, then you bring great value to me.
  3. Be a problem solver. Can you help me think through the problems, shortcomings and challenges I face? And can you check out the hook while my DJ revolves it?
  4. Be super funny? Humor draws me to others. If you are super funny I may give you a pass on all the rest.
  5. Offer motivation. If you make me want to charge windmills I’ll make time for you.
  6. Be inspirational. We can never have too much.
  7. Intelligence. Show me a great way of thinking and you will improve my own.
  8. Be brave. Courage is contagious. But you don’t have to wear a mask or get a vaccine because of it.
  9. Be a gifted storyteller. A great storyteller is an entertainer. Like watching a TV show, movie or play, a storyteller helps fill your life with interesting and memorable tales.
  10. Be a great listener. Sometimes we just want someone to listen to us.
  11. Have a great perspective. A person that can help you see life, people, and challenges through an interesting lens, that is different than your own, offers additive value.
  12. Smell really good. I like people who smell good.

Key Takeaway

Think about the type of person that you would offer an open invitation to spend time with you. Then work hard to become that person. Not only will others enjoy your company, you will enjoy your own. Which is the most important measure of all.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.