Tag: making friends

The most valuable asset to leave school with is not a high GPA or SAT score.

The end of the school year is fast approaching. And what a school year it has been! At graduation time I often reflect on my own schooling. It’s interesting to see just how much detail I can remember from that time. I can still picture where I sat in each class, the grades I received, and the number of times I laughed until I sprayed milk out of my nose.

The Numbers

There were a lot of numbers in school. And not just in math class. Do you remember your high school GPA? Or your class rank? How about your College GPA? Or your ACT, SAT, GMAT, LSAT, or MCAT scores? (If you had experience with BVDs, HPV or OPP you probably remember those too.)

Most of us have a pretty good memory for these scores. Because it is how we measured how successful we were in school. They represented the scorecard of academic success.

However, there is another number from our school days that is even more important to your long-term success and happiness. Very few people think about it. Almost no one has it memorized.

Perhaps the best indicator of long term happiness and success is the number of friends you make in school. While the overwhelming focus is on academic statistics, the great residual value of your schooling is measured in humans.

Me and some of my University of Wisconsin dorm mates. We had a pretty good time in Madison.

Chuck the Clique

It can seem cool to find your core group of friends and circle the wagons. Or to create an exclusive group. But that won’t serve you best over time. A much better approach is to become part of many different social circles. This vastly expands the total number of people you are exposed to. And if you volunteer to be a sketch or sculpture model for art classes you get exposed to even more people.

Me and some of my high school friends just before graduation. With t-shirts. And no masks. It was a simpler time.

Get Involved

There are a wide variety of high school and college opportunities that are ideal for developing long-lasting relationships.

  • Sports
  • Dance Team
  • Cheerleading
  • Band
  • Orchestra
  • Streaking The Quad
  • Clubs
  • Plays
  • Smoking In The Boys Room
  • Volunteer Programs
  • Yearbook
  • Food Fights
  • Homecoming Committee
  • Fraternities
  • Sororities
  • Epic Prank Planning
  • Class Trips
  • Outing or Adventure groups.
  • Special Interest Groups Of All Sorts
  • Breakfast Club
  • Detention
Me and my college track & field teammates. I am still in touch with many of these guys. We smile more now.

High School

In high school, make a point of knowing as many people as you can. Get involved in extracurricular activities. Introduce yourself to your classmates. Learn names. Meet the kids in grades above and below you. It is especially easy and beneficial as an upperclassperson to introduce yourself to younger students. Because younger students will highly value having older friends, who can drive a car, and grow a mustache like Pedro.

A high school graduation night party pic. We’re looking tough because we just slammed some Capri Suns.

College

In college, live in the dormitory for 2 years, or even become a Resident Hall Advisor (dorm leader). By doing this you are exposed to far more kids than you are living in off-campus housing by yourself or with a handful of roommates. Having hundreds or even thousands of other kids within your orbit on a daily basis vastly increases the total number of friends you are likely to make during that time.

Me and some of my college roommates revisited our off campus house several years after graduation. The wallpaper was still there. But they were out of paper towels.

Introduce Yourself

At parties and at bars introduce yourself to other people. Make a point of meeting someone new every time you go out. Then connect with them on social media too. Because social media is an easy and informal way of turning weak relationship into strong ones.

My college roommates at Dave and Angie Schatz’s wedding. (I have no idea if that is how you possess a plural word ending with Z.)

The Number That Really Matters

My GPA in high school and college was fine. My SAT scores were fine. But I know far more people than most people I know. And that has been one of my greatest advantages in life and business. And one of my greatest sources of happiness and fulfillment.

Me and my high school friends at our last class reunion. The guys with bad backs asked to be up front.

Key Takeaway

Make as many friends in school as you can. Because the benefit of having many friends lasts the rest of your life. And while there is little chance for you to Billy Madison your way to a higher GPA or class rank later in life, it’s not too late to make more friends. Make it a lifelong habit. Or hobby. Or both. Collect as many people as possible. Because at the end of our days the person who has made the most friends wins.

*If you know a student who could benefit from this message please share it with them.

The best thing you can invest in right now is friendships.

I like to create friends and allies everywhere I go. It’s the way I am wired. If you asked me what my number one hobby is I would say befriending. Or turning strangers into friends. Like Courtney Cox and David Schwimmer.

I develop strong friendships quickly. And my friends are like snowflakes. Meaning they are special, not cold and icy. They are all different. And they all add to my life in unique ways. Like human seasoning. #MrsDash

Non-networking-networking

We are repeatedly told that to be successful in our careers and in our lives we need to network. But I don’t think of networking as networking. It isn’t shallow and transactional for me. Instead, I spend real time befriending people. I don’t expect to get anything in return, other than an additional friend. I wrote about my approach to befriending in the post, Why I hate networking, and what I do instead.

But a funny thing happens when you develop a lot of friends. You develop a lot of allies. People who look out for you, who advocate for you. People who alert you to opportunities. And people who invite you to things.

New Business Opportunities

When I am not making friends, road-tripping out west with my family, or writing blog posts, I own an advertising and idea agency called The Weaponry. Last week I had two new business meetings, both of which arose because friends of mine submitted my name for interesting opportunities I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

The first came from a neighbor of mine in Atlanta who introduced me to a friend of hers who was looking for marketing help. (Thanks Jennifer!)

The second came from a friend of mine who knew that his organization in Chicago was looking for advertising help, and thought we might be a great fit. (Thanks Arun!)

Through those new business calls, I feel like I befriended 3 new people that I really liked. Even if we don’t do work together (which I hope we do), I already profited by adding to my friend collection.

The Library

However, the benefits of befriending others goes far beyond business and career success. Yesterday I had to return an audiobook to the library. I hadn’t had it very long, but I got a notice that I couldn’t renew it.

The book is called Last Stand. It is not about the end of nightstands as we know them. It is about Custer, Sitting Bull and the Battle Of Little Big Horn. Following my recent road trip out west, that I wrote about in When was the last time you became a different person?, I have an exciting new geographical awareness to apply to this historic American tale.

Last stand
This is a great book that has nothing to do with REM’s song Stand.

I am about halfway through the book, and things are getting really good. Well, things are getting really good for me as the reader, and about to get really bad for General Custer. So when I stopped by the library I planned to ask if I could return the book and check it out immediately.

Luckily for me, my favorite librarian was working yesterday.  I will call her Page to protect her identity. Page is probably in her 60s, and looks like she knows her way around the Dewey Decimal System. I always joke around with Page. So I expect I stand apart from most people she deals with at the library. Plus, I usually wear flip flops, which creates a flagrant noise violation in the ‘Brary. Which gives me more to discuss with the staff.

I told Page that I was loving my book, like McDonald’s, but wasn’t quite done with it. So I was really hoping I could check it out again. I handed her the audiobook case and she looked it up in her Librarian machine. She then said, ‘Someone has a hold on this book, so you can’t renew it.’

I made a disappointed boo boo face by sticking out my bottom lip and pretending I was about to cry. I was obviously just trying to be funny. Page laughed. Then she paused a moment, and looked around to see if anyone was listening. They weren’t. So she leaned towards me and said in a quiet voice, ‘We aren’t collecting late fees right now. Why don’t you take this back and finish it…’ She flashed me a mischievous librarian smile, and she handed me the now illegally possessed, but secretly un-fined book. I whispered ‘thank you’, flashed her a big smile, and bolted for the door.

Key Takeaway

Make as many friends as you can. It makes the world smaller and more enjoyable. The rewards of friendship are the most meaningful and lasting perks you will find on this planet. You never know when you will need someone to talk to, an encouraging word, a good laugh, an introduction, a kidney, or extended hours with a good book. And like Dionne and friends said, that’s what friends are for.

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The most valuable skill I have.

Do you know what makes you special? In business disciplines like marketing, branding and sales, the key to success is knowing what sets you apart from everyone else. As a marketing strategist I am constantly analyzing my clients to discover and capitalize on their specialness. #SpecialPurpose #IsntThatSpecial.

Turning the Camera Around

Once you train yourself to find the special, unique and rare things in others, you naturally analyze yourself the same way. Many times I have considered what makes me special.  And not to brag, but there are a few things that set me apart.

  1. My feet are among the flattest on Earth. I quite literally have no arches. This was first pointed out to me by my childhood friend Danny Boyle, and confirmed scientifically at a Fleet Feet store during a scan that listed my arches as Not Applicable.
  2. I have no reflexes in my knees. You know how doctors tap patients on the front of the knee and the patient then naturally kicks their leg forward? That doesn’t happen to me, despite the fact that some clinicians have worked up quite a lather trying to get a reaction out of my patellar region.
  3. I was born without two adult teeth. On my upper jaw, my 5th teeth from the center on both sides showed up as baby teeth, with no mature adult teeth behind them. Today I am rocking 2 full-sized implants that more than make up for what mother nature didn’t give me.

However, none of these 3 points offer much of a competitive advantage. Thankfully my 4th and final uniqueness does.

4.      I make friends as fast as anyone on Earth.

For a long time I didn’t know I was unique in this way. But I love meeting new people. So I waste no time converting strangers into lifelong friends.

I am fascinated by people, their stories, experiences, skills and quirks. I love human connections. I love discovering common ground. And I love to learn what you know that I don’t. I devour people the way others devour books.

I am also blessed with a good memory that retains what I have learned about the people I meet. Pro Tip: Friends seem to like it when you remember things about them. Retaining people knowledge also enables me to connect dots and recognize shared connections of people places and things. And ulitmately make more friends.

The Value

In business and in life, my ability to make friends quickly has been my most valuable asset. It helps me develop quick rapport, which ensures that I never feel alone. When I first launched my advertising and idea agency, The Weaponry, I quickly recognized that I had done the most important work of entrepreneurship 20 to 30 years before launching my business. Because your personal network is critical to connecting the dots necessary to discovering and capitalizing on entrepreneurial opportunities.

Key Takeaway

Friends are the most valuable resources on Earth. Grab as many as you can as quickly as you can. They make everything on the planet better. Don’t be afraid to reach out and make new connections. I do it almost every day. Our friends provide the pathways to the most enjoyable experiences of our lives. They are gateways to opportunities. They provide our personal safety nets. And at the end of our days, our friends and family will be the only things we accumulated in our time on Earth that we will want to carry with us wherever we go next.