Category: self improvement

The best thing to do after you set your goals.

Like a soccer player, I am goal-oriented. I always have been. I set goals in all areas of my life. They challenge me. They motivate me. And they make it easy to track my big-picture progress.

However, I also recognize that my ultimate goals are really lag measures. They are results. Or outcomes. Or accumulated totals. And if all I ever did was focus on my lag measures, I would be unlikely to ever achieve them. Which would be laggravating

The secret to achieving your goals is to focus your attention on the lead measures.

The lead measures are the inputs that are likely to lead you to the results you want.

An Example We Can All Relate To

I have a big birthday coming up in May. So I set a goal of weighing 210 pounds by May 25th. I picked the number because it is what I consider to be my ideal weight, where I feel and look my best. For context, I weighed 215 lbs when I graduated from high school and 211 lbs when I graduated from college. But I have been as heavy as 224 lbs within the last 6 months.

But I don’t obsess over the number 210. And I am not dieting. Instead, I am focusing on the 2 lead measures that impact weight loss:

  1. Calories consumed
  2. Calories burned.

It’s that simple.

I weigh myself first thing every morning. That gives both a progress report and a baseline for the day. I write the number down every day to track progress over time. Because if I can measure it I can manage it. (Which I think was a quote from Stanley, the retractable tape measure guy.)

I eat every day. But I don’t eat beyond the just-full feeling. (Which is better than that not-so-fresh feeling.) This means I am eating what I need. But I’m not taking on excess food or calories. So my lead indicator is ‘Did I eat past just-full? If ‘no’, I have a positive meal experience, and I give myself a tally, Ali. I want to have 3 of those every day.

However, I also track my calorie burning. In fact, to improve my calorie-burning habit I bought cardio equipment for my home gym so that I can burn calories every day that I am home. Each day I track whether I burned calories through deliberate exercise of at least 30 minutes.

By focusing on my lead measures I am taking actions that are leading to predictable weight loss. Today I weigh 214 pounds. And I have 4 months to lose 4 pounds. Which is quite manageable. Or woman-ageable.

But Wait, There’s More!

On my quest for self-improvement and achievement, I track several other lead indicators:

  1. Hours of sleep at night: This is a great indicator of energy, mood, productivity and Zzzs caught.
  2. Books Read Per Month: This is my indicator of increased intelligence. I want to read at least 2 books per month. One of them can’t be a picture book.
  3. Hours spent writing per day. This is a great indicator of how many blog posts I will publish and pages I will write for my next book. If I write for 1-2 hours every day, my progress is steady and good. By doing so I can usually come up with one funny joke per day. (As judged by me, which is totally cheating.)
  4. Hours spent on business development per day. I am the Founder & CEO of the advertising and ideas agency The Weaponry. Which means that I am responsible for growing the business. The most important thing to know about business development is that you have to plant seeds in the spring if you want to harvest in the fall. So I track the time I spend planting. #WWJAD (What Would Johnny Appleseed Do?)
  5. Placing water on my vanity each night: Drinking water is a valuable part of my health plan. It helps with my mood, and alertness, and makes me feel full, which prevents overeating. I track whether or not I set a glass of water next to my sink each night. Because if I do that I drink water first thing in the morning.
  6. Dates with my wife per month. This year I want to have at least one date with my wife every month. It is an important investment in our relationship. You can’t just set the goal of having a happy marriage. You have to spend quality time together, talk, and focus on each other regularly to achieve the goal.
  7. Speaking events per month: Since publishing my book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? I have had a lot of speaking opportunities. These enable me to share more positivity, inspiration and valuable life lessons with the world. I can track my positive influence on others, in part, through the number of talks I give.

Key Takeaway

Set measurable goals. Then determine which lead indicators you can measure to track your effort toward achieving your goals. Your lead indicators are great predictors of success. Focus on the lead measures and they will lead you where you want to go.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why it’s better to look for the truth than for someone to blame.

The world isn’t perfect. It isn’t always fair. And things go wrong all the time. This is well documented by Murphy’s Law, and in every episode of Seinfeld. Just ask Mulva.

Since you are technically part of the world, you are not perfect either. You sometimes do the wrong things. You make mistakes. You react too quickly and make poor decisions. You don’t always control your temper. Or your tongue. Or, your thumbs. (Which are like modern Jobsian tongues.)

When things go bad there is a natural tendency to blame. Humans have an innate ability to draw quick conclusions and simplistic explanations. Because it is much easier to judge than to seek understanding.

This is a massive mistake.

Blaming is a lazy response that prevents you from investigating and discovering the truth. Blaming discounts your own responsibility. And it discounts the complexity of the universe and human interactions. That’s why, as Phil Dunphy might say, when you blame, you be lame.

Key Takeaway

If you want to live a better life stop blaming others. Commit to discovering the truth. Look at the facts. Explore all sides of the story. Ask questions. Don’t make accusations. Consider your own role and your contribution to each situation. Truth seekers and blamers see the world differently. And only one of them gets it right.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received was in French.

Several years ago while working in Montreal, I got a small piece of valuable advice. I was working with my good friend, director Guillaume de Fontenay. Guillaume is a French Canadian from Montreal. Guillaume is the french equivalent of the name William. So I assume that in french Billy the Kid is called Gilly L’enfant.

Guillaume and I playing Ebony and Ivory in Montreal.

One evening at dinner Guillaume shared a story about an interaction he once had that greatly angered him. He said his natural desire was to verbally lash out at the other person. But the point of the story was that he didn’t lash out. Instead, he replied with something smart and considered. Guillaume confided,

‘We have a little saying in French for when you are angry…’

Il faut tourner sa langue sept fois dans sa bouche avant de parler.“

-Smart French Saying

Guillaume translated this for me as: Twist your tongue seven times before you speak.

It is very good advice in any language.

Twisting

It is important to think before you speak. Since hearing this saying I have leaned on it countless times. And it has never failed me. It works at work and at home. It works with strangers and friends. It works like magic when you are seeing red and your blood is boiling. It works when you have something sharp on the tip of your tongue. It works when you feel salty, disappointed, or jealous. In fact, the only time I have found it doesn’t work well is when you are in the dentist’s chair. Because those people have work to do. (Sorry Faith and Dr. Tina.)

But This One Goes to 11

I can also say that in my anglophone mouth, it is often better to twist more than 7 times. When you are angry or emotional it is often best to hold off until the next day, or the next week before responding. Which can mean a lot of tongue-twisting. Like sister Susie sitting on a thistle as she sells sea shells at the seashore.

But perhaps the most important lesson I have discovered through the employment of this très bon advice is that after tiring your tongue out through the twisting there is no longer an urge to speak at all. And no response to the people who have angered, offended, or irritated you is often the best response of all.

Key Takeaway

Twist your tongue 7 times before you speak. More if necessary. It will give you time to think. It will give your tongue time to cool. And it will prevent you from saying things you later regret.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

Note: In French, tourner actually means turn. But twist is what Guillaume said. And the saying sounds cuter that way.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The antidote to your ignorance is to keep an open mind.

It is easy to believe that your perspective is right. After all, your perspective is a product of the truth as you know it. But your perspective often has shortcomings. And blind spots. Which doesn’t mean that your spots can’t see. But that you don’t see parts of reality. Like Kanye.

Blind spots come from biases. They develop when you arrive at conclusions prematurely. And just as a premature baby is fragile, a premature conclusion is the most vulnerable of perspectives. Which makes them unlikely to survive outside the conclusion NICU.

If someone challenges your perspective, listen to them. They will often offer more information, which makes you better informed. Be willing to alter your ideas, stories, and opinions when new information is introduced. Adopt a growth mindset. Seek truth and understanding. It’s the wisest choice.

Key Takeaway

Assume there are things you don’t know. Recognize that you are drawing your conclusions based on limited or biased information. The antidote to your own ignorance is openmindedness. Invite new perspectives. Listen to dissenters. They offer you valuable gifts.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How taking action today can change your life forever.

Today you are going to do something good for yourself.

You will read. Or exercise. Or work on a big project. Or practice something you want to become great at. Maybe you will eat right. Or write. Or Orville Wright.

But one day is only one day. And if you stop there the progress and impact will be minimal.

Because one good day is just one good day, mate.

But if you can string 5 to 7 of them together you have a great week. (If you string 6 together I think you have a guitar.)

When you string 4 great weeks together you have a great month.

A few great months make a great season. Or a great year.

String together great years and you have a great career.

Or even better, you have a great life.

Great careers and great lives leave a legacy.

But it all starts with one good day of taking action.

Make that day today.

Key Takeaway

Do something good for yourself today. Then repeat it tomorrow. And the next day. Build good actions into habits. Your habits build momentum. And ultimately they create all of your successes, your life, and your legacy. It’s easier than you think. Just get started. And don’t stop.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

This year resolve to take important new actions.

This is an exciting week for people who own calendars. Because we have flipped to a whole new set of 365 days. The new year brings on new hopes and dreams. It is full of opportunities. Most of us come into the new year, like Wayne Gretzky, with a bunch of new goals.

But the most important thing to do in the new year to convert those goals into reality is to take action.

A goal to lose weight is only a dream until you take action with your diet and exercise. A goal to start a business is worthless until you start talking to potential customers. A goal to travel is only a dream until you buy your ticket to ride. And a goal to write a book, screenplay, or fortune cookie is meaningless until you start typing on your keyboard. (Oh lord, why don’t we?)

The familiar phrase New Year, New You is missing a key ingredient. The complete saying should be:

New Year. New Action. New You.

The action is the active ingredient. It is the change agent. It is the inflection point. Don’t forget the new action. Action is the yeast that will make this year rise above all the rest. So here’s hoping you get a lot of action in 2023.

Key Takeaway

Goals don’t change you. Actions do. As you make plans for the new year go beyond the goals to the actions they require. Write down your new actions. Put them on your calendar. As you take action you will make progress toward your goal. A journey of 1000 miles doesn’t begin with writing down your goal. It begins with that first step.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The first and most important lesson of the new year.

Happy 2023! The beginning of a new year is an exciting time. It’s full of hope, opportunity, and college football.

The exciting news is that today has the potential to be an inflection point in your life. Today could be the day when you stop doing something that was holding you back. Like smoking, overeating, or cheering for the Houston Texans. Or it could be the day you start doing something that will change you forever. Like exercising, working on a major life goal, or making better friends. (Or maybe you write a blog post that amazing people read, which makes them want to subscribe to that blog, and share it with other people…)

But there is a simple truth that you must understand about the promise of a new year:

The year doesn’t make you different. You make the year different.

A new year is not a change agent. It is simply a new blank sheet of paper on which you write your life story, morning glory. Yes, your story can and should get better, starting today. But you have to make that happen.

Here are 6 things you can do to make this year different.

  1. Adopt Your New identity. Decide that deep down in your innards you are the person you really want to be. It is the first and most effective step to becoming your ideal self. Don’t say that you want to be, or will someday be like your ideal. You are now! You are an exerciser, a reader, an entrepreneur, or a Liberace impersonator. And then prove it to yourself every day by living into that identity. #SweetCandleabra

2. Surround Yourself With Better People. The people you spend your time with have a powerful impact on you. They are either tow trucks that pull you forward or anchors that keep you in the same old spot. Find people who are already doing what you want to do. Spend as much time with them as you can. And soon you will take on their best traits, habits and actions. Like in Single White Female.

3. Create Better Habits Habits are everything. You are a product of your habits. If you are struggling with a habit there is something in your process that needs to be adjusted. Keep adjusting your process, cues, and timing until you find something that works for you. To become a master of creating your own great habits check out James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. The book is phenomenal. And it has nothing to do with tiny nuns.

4. Read More. Reading provides tools, ideas, tips, and tricks. Books are full of motivation, inspiration, and any kind of ation you are looking for. Through reading and learning, you’ll discover better ways to do everything. Reading enables us to suck the knowledge and experience out of the brains of rockstars who have already done what we want to do, only without being arrested.

5. Get Scared One of the greatest gifts we have is the scarcity of time. When you recognize how little time you have to accomplish all that you want to, it should scare the fecal matter out of you. Then 2 important things happen. First, you pick up the pace. You realize that you need to take action now, or soon it will be too late. Second, the scarcity of time inspires you to take care of your health. You recognize the value of exercise, weight control and healthy eating to maximize your time.

6. Set SMART Goals. Goals provide direction, inspiration and a scoreboard. Give yourself goals to help improve your life and happiness. Give yourself habit goals to improve your daily life. And declare achievement goals to help you accomplish those big things you always dreamed of doing. Make sure your goals are SMART:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Relevant
  • Time-Based

Key Takeaway

You have 365 days to make this an amazing year. As JFK said, things do not happen. They are made to happen. Declare your ideal identity. Surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do. Constantly work on your habit creation and maintenance. Read great books and articles to acquire more tools and inspiration. Realize you are running out of time. And that this year is a gift. Act now to prevent regret later. Create clear goals related to your most important habits and achievements. Then work at them every day. And never stop. That’s how you make this year different.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

I don’t recommend getting signatures on the digital version.

What a canceled flight can teach you about your New Year’s goals.

I have several friends who have had their flights delayed or canceled over the past few days. It’s a total bummer to land a starring role in The Airline That Stole Christmas. Brought to you by Southwest Airlines, the airline that won’t let you get away.

When your flight gets canceled you are forced to answer a very simple question:

Now, what do I do?

Goals vs Strategy

When you have travel plans, the destination is your goal. The flight you book is the strategy you choose to arrive at your goal. If your flight gets canceled it affects your strategy, not your goal. The key is to choose a new strategy.

You can book a different flight. You can drive. You can take a train, plane or automobile. You can ride in the back of a rental truck with a polka band from Kenosha. You can ride across the country on a scooter with a friend who is even dumber than you.

Plan B

This week, when my friends Stephanie and Taylor’s flights were canceled, they chose to drive instead. Sure, driving took longer than flying. But it got them to their destinations. Plus, when you drive you get unlimited peanuts, bigger drinks and nobody is trying to gerrymander your armrest.

Your Goals for 2023

As you prepare for a great new year in 2023 you should set exciting new goals to make this your best year yet. You should write the goals down. And you should create a strategy for achieving them.

However, if you are struggling to achieve your goals in 2023, remember the canceled flights. Let them serve as reminders to change your strategy, not your goal.

Key Takeaway

Your goal is your chosen destination. Your strategy is how you plan to get to your goal. When you struggle to make progress, adjust your strategy, not your goal. And remember, you can change your strategy as often as you need to until you find a plan that works.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The best way to have a great year is to tighten your tolerances.

Yesterday morning, at 6 am, my alarm went off, just like it does every weekday. But yesterday the alarm woke me up in the middle of a dream. Which is rude. Because dream sleep, or REM sleep, is the hardest to wake up from. In fact, it is so deep that in REM sleep not even Wham wants you to wake them up before you go go.

As a result of my alarm going off during my body’s no-wake zone, I didn’t spring out of bed immediately, like I usually do. I lay in bed thinking ‘Dude, it’s time to get up.’

I was disappointed with myself for how long I was laying in bed. And I really dislike disappointing myself. I pride myself on being a morning person. The whole, laying-in-bed all morning thing was messing with my self-construct. And I don’t like anyone messing with my self-construct. Especially me.

Finally, I put a smile on my face (which is my daily habit #1) and I motivated myself enough to crawl out of bed.

I grabbed my pillows to make my side of the bed. (Which is daily habit #2.)

As I grabbed the pillows I reluctantly glanced down at the clock on my nightstand the way you might look at the bathroom scale the morning after you skipped a workout and replaced it with a Brontosaurus burger with a side of large fries covered in gravy and cheese, and washed it all down with a cake shake.

Even though I thought I was prepared for the worst, when my eyes finally found the digital numbers displayed on my alarm clock I was stunned.

It was 6:01 am.

Key Takeaway

Raise your standards. Create great discipline and high expectations. By shrinking your tolerances you will experience greater results. And you will live closer and closer to your ideal life. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself in the new year. Because your standards and tolerances drive your self-improvement efforts. And they will ensure you are a better person a year from now than you are today. Which is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The first and most important goal to set for the new year.

We are 360 days into 2022. Which means the end of the year is near. For those who get the number of days in a year confused with the number of degrees in a circle, you may be thinking that tonight is New Year’s Eve. It is not.

However, within the next 5 days, we will ring in 2023. Which is exciting. It’s even more exciting to bust into the new year with a new set of annual goals. In fact, there is almost nothing more exciting than a new list of goals. Because those goals represent a new and better you. A you who is fitter, richer, happier, and maybe more sober or less cigarettey than the current you.

I am a huge fan of setting goals to become a better human. Setting goals has helped me Rumpelstiltskin my ambitions into accomplishments.

A few examples:

  • Goal setting is how I broke my high school, conference and state records in the discus.
  • Goal setting is how I became an entrepreneur and launched the advertising and idea agency The Weaponry. (Goal setting also helped my team launch our new agency website by the end of 2022. We haven’t announced it yet, but if you click the hyperlink above you will be the very first people to see it live.)
  • Goal setting is how I publish a new blog post at least 3 times every week.
  • Goal setting is how I wrote my first book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? And my second book The Culture Turnaround, with Jeff Hilimire.
  • Goal setting is why today my weight is within 1 pound of what I weighed when I graduated from high school.
  • Goal setting has enabled me to steadily increase my net worth.
  • Goal setting drives me to read a whole mess of new books every year.
  • Goal setting has kept me off the pole. (That and a lack of requests to actually see me on a pole.)

Goal #1

All of my successful goal setting has taught me that there is one goal that you should set first. A goal that will make it easier to achieve all of your other goals. Here it is:

Surround yourself with people who are already doing what you want to do.

There is nothing more valuable to achieving your goals than to spend time with others who have already achieved that goal, or who are fully committed to doing it now.

The gravitational pull of humans on other humans is very strong. And like a Peleton in a bike race, the group will pull the individual along. (Which also means that if everyone else is wearing spandex and doping, you are highly likely to too. Right Lance?)

  • The best chance to keep your fitness goals is to surround yourself with fit and health-committed friends.
  • The best way to write a book is to surround yourself with published authors. (And pens.)
  • The best way to get rich is to spend time with rich people.
  • The best way to become more positive is to hang out with other positive people.
  • The best way to become a better spouse and parent is to spend time with great spouses and parents.
  • The best way to get rid of tan lines is to hang out at a nudist colony.

Key Takeaway

Peer groups are like trains. You are highly likely to go where those around you are going. So when you set your goals, make sure you get on the right train. Surround yourself with the right people. People who are committed to going where you want to go. It is the most important step on your journey. And it is the key to arriving at your chosen destination on time.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.