Tag: personal growth

Here’s the most underrated influence on your growth and improvement.

Comfort vs Discomfort

It is one of the most interesting battles in the human experience.

We have an innate drive to seek comfort. To find safety. To avoid suffering, pain and awkwardness. Which is why we keep those pictures taken during puberty tucked safely away, only to resurface in wedding reception videos.

But if we give in to our desires for comfort our world shrinks. Our growth stops. And we squander our time on a couch, in bed, or on a lounger at the beach attempting to explain away our shrinkage.

But there is another epic force within all humans. The desire for growth. The yearning for self-improvement. The hunger for badassery. (Which science has proven to be even greater than the hunger for whatever you gave up for Lent. #peanutM&Ms)

The Power of Discomfort

Human growth is stimulated by discomfort.

That discomfort comes in many forms.

Putting yourself in new and novel situations.

Pushing your body physically to the bounds of your strength or stamina.

Trying new unnatural behaviors and responses.

Attempting techniques that feel foreign.

Applying the non-intuitive.

To become the best version of yourself, abandon the safe and face the threatening.

Because each time you do, you grow. You learn. You expand. You strengthen. You improve. And you increase in valuable ways.

Helen Keller, one of the greatest growth artists in human history (but a terrible driver) put it this way:

‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’ -Helen Keller

Question for you:

How much time, energy and thought do you put into making yourself comfortable? Compare that to how much you focus on creating personal discomfort. As you change that ratio you will change your life.

Key Takeaway

To become the best version of yourself it is important to get comfortable with discomfort. Seek it out. Create it. Embrace it. Because discomfort is the condition that precedes all growth and improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

You are going to make mistakes. And when you do, make sure to forgive yourself.

To be successful at anything you have to try. Trying is the requirement that proceeds all progress and growth. But when you try, things don’t always work out the way you planned. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you make mistakes. And sometimes you have an epic wardrobe malfunction.

Failure and mistakes come in all shapes and denominations. I have made a frajillion mistakes as an entrepreneur, writer, speaker, coach, parent, husband, son, brother, friend, neighbor and driver. Heck, I once dropped my 6-month-old over a railing at a Zoo. I have made so many mistakes you could fill a museum with them. But if you do, make sure to put it on a large piece of land. Because like Boeing, you will need to keep adding wings for all the mistakes I still have in store.

While I certainly make mistakes and get things wrong on my self-improvement journey, I also do something right. I recognize that making mistakes is part of the process. So I don’t beat myself up over them.* In fact, I am quick to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. (*When Dr. Dre wears Beats by Dre headphones, does he feel like he is beating himself up?)

Because I am quick to forgive my mistakes, they don’t eat away at my confidence. I expect mistakes and recognize that I am nowhere near perfect. So the blemishes and shortcomings and missteps don’t damage my self-construct. Conversely, I expect to learn from my mistakes. And I expect to steadily improve as a result. Because that’s what I was born to do. #warmitupchris

Easter had me thinking a lot about forgiveness. In fact, once you get past the bonnets, bunnies and brunch, you remember that Easter is all about the forgiveness of sins. And sin is just a short biblical word for mistake. In the Christian faith, Jesus was the ultimate forgiver. (That guy was dying to forgive people.) That was really his main thing. Plus, he invented a very popular necklace. You’ve probably seen it.

Holding on to your mistakes and focusing on them is the biggest mistake you can make. The best thing to do is acknowledge your mistakes, study their causes, learn from them, and put systems and processes in place to prevent them from happening again. Then move on. Recognize the value in your mistakes. Profit from them. Even thank them for the lesson. And then leave them behind. You are not your mistakes. They are simply a byproduct of having a human experience.

Key Takeaway

Mistakes are an unavoidable result of trying. It’s hard to get things right all the time. Especially when you are interacting with other complicated humans. But the big mistake is dwelling on your mistakes too long. Learn the lesson. Let them help you grow and improve. Then forgive yourself. It will lighten your load and prevent you from becoming a problem to yourself. Remember, you have to be your own greatest advocate. That includes giving yourself permission to get things wrong, forgiving your mistakes, and always believing that tomorrow you will be better than you are today.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why January is a great time to feel uncomfortable.

Happy New Year! That is what we say to people in January. But Januarys aren’t supposed to be happy. Not even if you are a Gilmore. Or Pharell Williams.

In November you should feel thankful. In December you should feel Joy. (Comfort & Joy…) But in January, if you are doing things right, you should feel uncomfortable.

January is meant to be a time for change. It is a time for new goals, resolutions, and habit alteration. (Even if you are not a fashionable nun.)

If you are introducing new habits, new thinking and new actions don’t expect to feel happy right now. Expect to feel uncomfortable. And the more comfortable you are with feeling uncomfortable now, the happier you will be later.

Feeling uncomfortable now is a sign that you are trying something new. You are changing your routine. You are creating a new habit. You are experimenting.

You feel uncomfortable when you take new risks. It is a sign of growth. And learning. This is how you push your own envelope. This is how you discover better approaches.

This is January stuff. This is New Year stuff. This is how you get to the new You.

Key Takeaway

A great year of growth and improvement begins with changes in January. Feeling uncomfortable right now is a great sign. Getting uncomfortable now is how you break through to a new level of comfort later. Keep going. It gets better. And so will you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How to think about your future like a great new home.

I have bought 5 homes in the past 20 years. I know a lot about the process. After all, I do it every 4 years. Which means every time you watch the Summer Olympics, vote for president, or admit you were wrong, I am buying a house.

The critical first step to buying a home is considering how much you can afford. You start with a price range, that includes the minimum and the maximum amount you would spend. You know, like something between $200,000 and $300,000. Ish.

Then you shop for your home. The final price of the house you buy falls in one of two places:

  • A. At the top of your price range
  • B. Above the top of your price range. (Am I right?)

The challenge is that once you see how good the homes at the top of the range are it is hard to settle for anything less.

Applying this to the rest of your life.

To maximize your life, approach it the same way you approach purchasing a new home.

This means that you should have minimum expectations for your life. And you should have maximum expectations for your life. This includes relationships, careers, adventures, investments, health and anything else that leads to your happiness and sense of achievement, accomplishment and fulfillment. (Basically all the ments.)

Then, like with the home buying example, push yourself to the top of your range. Or beyond. Don’t settle for less. Always strive for the upper limit. Because when you do, you will often find yourself above it.

Key Takeaway

Imagine what you are capable of at your best. Then don’t settle for less.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Create a new and improved version of yourself every day.

The world is iterative. There are new and improved versions of everything all the time. Software, apps, iPhones, laundry detergent, and watermelon. It all just keeps getting better, more valuable, and more seedless.

You have to do the same thing. Every day you should go to bed as a better version of yourself than you were when you woke up.

You will naturally learn something new every day. But if you are not actively directing your learning then the things you learn may be of little value. By following the tabloids you might learn that Matthew Perry died. But that won’t help you much unless you are a funeral director, casting director, or tabloid publisher.

Force yourself to learn something new and valuable every day. Read. Study. Subscribe to a newsletter. Listen to a helpful podcast. Get one of those 365-day Calendars. Some of my best learnings have come from those things. Seriously.

Work on your habits. They make improvements automatic. Like that Pointer Sisters song.

Improve your physical, mental, emotional, and psychological fitness too. Never settle. Settling is for dust. And 1800s pioneers.

They say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But you are not a dog. Humans can learn tricks and improve themselves all the way to the last station. So let’s do this, dawg!

Key Takeaway

Always be improving yourself. Today. Tomorrow. And every day after that. You do this by starting to do better things. You stop doing bad things. Read. Study successful people. Educate yourself. Learn from your mistakes and missteps. This creates new and improved versions of You every day. And there is no limit to how great you can ultimately be.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Here are the 3 inspiring words for my next tattoo.

I don’t have any tattoos. At least none that I know of. But I like to think about what I would get inked in my epidermis if I was into such things. This little exercise keeps me looking for significant words, images and icons with the potential to provide a powerful, positive and long-lasting impact on my life. Yet, because I only think about it, I save money on both the inking and the laser removal cost when I realize the tattoo artists I hired didn’t use spellcheck on their work.

If you asked me today what tattoo I would get, I have a quick answer. There are 3 words that I would have written under my eyelids so I could still see them when I am wearing a turtleneck or asleep.

The 3 Words:

Opportunities Never Cease

I love this phrase. It is the optimist’s motto. It is the pessimist’s hope. It is the entrepreneur’s crack. It is the start of every great story.

This phrase is a great reminder that you can change the trajectory of your life at any point. You can improve. You can reinvent. You can shed your skin. Heck, you can even shed your backyard. Or your aquarium.

There are always great new opportunities:

  • To create new things.
  • To develop new relationships and improve or repair old ones.
  • To learn, grow and transform.
  • To establish a great habit.
  • To create wealth and prosperity.
  • To improve your attitude and outlook.
  • Create your legacy.
  • To have a positive impact on others.
  • To make minds sparkle.
  • To take control of your health.
  • To apologize.
  • To randomly write the word fart just to make people laugh.
  • To salvage a bad day.
  • To take the first step.
  • To drop the weight you have carried. (Both literally and figuratively.)
  • To discover how much you are capable of.
  • To start your winning streak.
  • To do something new for the first time.
  • To discover a new favorite.
  • To forgive yourself.
  • To reprioritize.

Key Takeaway

Opportunities never cease. Discover the opportunities all around you. They are gateways to growth and happiness. And they are the blank pages for you to fill with the great stories and successes of your life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The best way to have a great year is to tighten your tolerances.

Yesterday morning, at 6 am, my alarm went off, just like it does every weekday. But yesterday the alarm woke me up in the middle of a dream. Which is rude. Because dream sleep, or REM sleep, is the hardest to wake up from. In fact, it is so deep that in REM sleep not even Wham wants you to wake them up before you go go.

As a result of my alarm going off during my body’s no-wake zone, I didn’t spring out of bed immediately, like I usually do. I lay in bed thinking ‘Dude, it’s time to get up.’

I was disappointed with myself for how long I was laying in bed. And I really dislike disappointing myself. I pride myself on being a morning person. The whole, laying-in-bed all morning thing was messing with my self-construct. And I don’t like anyone messing with my self-construct. Especially me.

Finally, I put a smile on my face (which is my daily habit #1) and I motivated myself enough to crawl out of bed.

I grabbed my pillows to make my side of the bed. (Which is daily habit #2.)

As I grabbed the pillows I reluctantly glanced down at the clock on my nightstand the way you might look at the bathroom scale the morning after you skipped a workout and replaced it with a Brontosaurus burger with a side of large fries covered in gravy and cheese, and washed it all down with a cake shake.

Even though I thought I was prepared for the worst, when my eyes finally found the digital numbers displayed on my alarm clock I was stunned.

It was 6:01 am.

Key Takeaway

Raise your standards. Create great discipline and high expectations. By shrinking your tolerances you will experience greater results. And you will live closer and closer to your ideal life. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself in the new year. Because your standards and tolerances drive your self-improvement efforts. And they will ensure you are a better person a year from now than you are today. Which is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why you should surround yourself with people who make you better.

The most exciting project you will ever undertake in life is you. You get one opportunity to make one human as amazing as possible. And you have complete control over that human. Except when you get the hiccups or your arm falls asleep.

An amazing life can be defined and measured in a hundred different ways. But you get to choose your own definition. And the unit of measure. Better yet, like The Urban Dictionary, you can change the definition as you go.

But no matter what your self-improvement journey looks like, there is one rule that will never fail.

The best way to become a better person is to surround yourself with better people.

The right people will inspire you. Encourage you. And set a great example for you to follow.

They will share what they have learned. They will push you to push yourself further. They will show you the way. And challenge you to keep up.

The right people will open doors you didn’t know existed. They will demonstrate new techniques. Illuminate new ideas. And show you what you’ve been missing.

Better people pull you up. They suggest others to follow and learn from. They provide better criteria. And set new standards.

Spend time with others who will raise your expectations. Sharpen your thinking. And broaden your view.

Surround yourself with people who maintain good habits. Who will embarrass you for your bad habits. Who will expose your ignorance. And offer you better alternatives.

Spend time with others who reveal your strengths. Who will fuel your confidence. Who will help you strengthen your foundation. And who introduce you to more great people who will exert even more positive peer pressure on you. That is simply the best way to become your best self.

Pro Tip:

Thanks to modern technology and the Gutenberg printing press, you can also surround yourself with great people through books, social media, podcasts, or blogs. The principle is the same. And it’s a great way to augment your social circle if you live in Alaska, have awkward social skills, or live in a concrete dorm with a lot of bars, and barbwire that makes it hard to grab coffee. #ThereIsAlwaysAWay

Key Takeaway

Great people are contagious. When you spend time with them their greatness spreads. It inspires you to do and be more. They provide both a model and a path to follow. And they introduce you to more great people. Which has a compounding effect on your own self-improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have collected, check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The great value in taking a moment to reflect on your day.

This fall I have helped coach my 11-year old son Magnus’ football team. The experience has been extremely rewarding. It’s fun to get back involved in tackle football and all that it teaches players about teamwork, strategy, execution, brotherhood, and eye makeup.

It is fascinating to see how much our team is improving every week. Several parents came up to me after our game on Saturday to tell me that they are impressed by how much the team has grown over our first 5 games.

A significant part of our improvement plan is watching game film. We film each game and then use a platform called Hudl to share it with the players. We break each play down Clint Eastwood-style, noting the good, the bad, and the ugly. #DoodaloodalooWaaWaaWaaaa

We call out the good plays, the great tackles, the key blocks, the great hustle that made a difference. But perhaps more importantly, we call out where players did the wrong things, and what they should do differently next time. Sharing the example and the recipe for correction is a huge part of the learning experience.

When I see how much learning and improvement comes from studying our team game film I find myself wanting to rewatch my days and see my opportunities to get better.

  • I would look for wasted time and missed opportunities.
  • I want to look for better alternatives to the decisions I made.
  • I would want to review the times I could have accomplished more and been more productive. That is a frequent concern of mine at the end of each day.
  • I would like to study the cause and effect of my actions.
  • I would like to find opportunities to grow and learn.
  • I would like to find more ways to connect with my kids, my wife, my coworkers, and friends.
  • I would like to see the hilarious things that happened around me that I missed.

The Problem

Unless you Truman Show yourself, you are never likely to have a full game film of your day. Plus, it would take a full day to watch. Which is as practical as getting a life-size tattoo of yourself on yourself.

Journaling

However, at the end of each day, you can reflect on your day. You can watch the game film of your day in your head. You can keep a journal to help you grow. You can write down what went well, what you learned, and what you would do differently next time. The writing itself will help reinforce the lessons. But revisiting the journal later will be like a self improvement book you wrote for yourself.

Key Takeaway

Take 5 minutes at the end of your day to review the game film of the day in your head. Quickly step through your events, interactions, accomplishments, and misses. Capture the key wins, learnings and observations in a journal or an app. Consider what you should do differently and your corrected or improved behavior. And make yourself a little better every day.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

How to use the power of unhappiness as motivational fuel.

The more of life that I experience the more I realize that my happiness is fueled in large part by my unhappiness. It feels dumb to write such a thing. But it is absolutely true.

Here’s how it works.

  1. I have a vision for who I am, and what my life is like.
  2. Everything that is already aligned with that makes me happy.
  3. All the areas where I fall short of my vision make me unhappy.

The unhappiness is a combination of unsatisfied, disappointed, frustrated, and embarrassed. However, that unhappiness is where my motivation comes from.

Family And Friends

In my head, I see myself as a great parent, husband, friend, and family member. But in reality, I am not always great at those roles. Certainly not as great as I want to be. I’m not as level-headed or as patient with my kids as I would like. I am not always as supportive or responsible as a husband-partner as I should be. I’m not always the kind of friend who walks in when the world walks out, or whatever the cross stitch about friendship in your grandma’s bathroom says. And I am unhappy about all of this.

Business

As an entrepreneur, I experience a lot of unhappiness. Because I have significant goals and expectations of my business. And I have high expectations of myself as the leader of the business. But if it all came to an end tomorrow I would be massively disappointed that me and my businesses didn’t accomplish more. Which is how the first kid tossed out at the National Spelling Bee must feel.

However, that unhappiness I experience, which stems from my personal and professional shortcomings, drives me to work, grow and improve. That drive is a huge source of happiness for me.

  • The work makes me happy.
  • Growth makes me happy.
  • Improvement makes me happy.
  • Hitting new milestones makes me happy.
  • Contributing the way I expect to in my relationships makes me happy.
  • Clapping along, and feeling like a room without a roof makes me happy.

Getting To It

Getting up at 6am to get back to work makes me happy. (It is currently 6:55am and I am about to finish writing my second blog post of the day.) Every step forward makes me happy. Executing the plan makes me happy. Laying the groundwork makes me happy. And watching Adam Sandler golf movies makes me happy. Especially when he fights Bob Barker. #ThePriceIsWrong

I recognize that I don’t have to be at the destination to be happy. Traveling there does the trick. Building, growing, and progressing are highly rewarding. As long as I am on the right path and moving in the right direction I get a little happier every day.

Key Takeaway

Your unhappiness is a great navigational tool to lead you to happiness. Determine the source of your unhappiness and you will know the direction to travel to find what you are after. Lose weight, get in shape, start that thang you always wanted to start. Do more. Strengthen your weaknesses. Become the person you always wanted to be. Those things can lead to a lot of happiness. Unhappiness is simply point A. Let it motivate you to get to point B.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.