Category: self improvement

I keep finding success on the other side of the warning signs.

I drive a Ford Expedition Max. It’s one of the largest passenger vehicles on the road today. I love it for road-tripping with my family. I love it every time I pile large quantities of humans inside. I love how much stuff I can stuff inside it. I love it when I’m pulling trailers. (And I love the tush warmer on a chilly day.)

But there are trade-offs to driving a big vehicle. Like parking in underground parking garages. And I park in an underground parking garage every day at my office in downtown Milwaukee.

The Warning Signs

My parking adventure begins the moment before I pull into the parking garage. The top of my truck smacks the max height indicator dangling over the vehicle, warning me that the rig is too big for this place. This happens every single day. And when other people see me smack that thang, it freaks them out. #SmackItUpFlipIt

The adventure gets really interesting once I find a prospective parking space. As I begin to maneuver the Expedition into a slim parking stall, the driver assistance warning system blinks and beeps like a bomb on MacGyver. Or an advanced round of Simon, the digital memory game. Inevitably, the blinks and beeps grow more intense throughout the parking process, until I receive the maximum warning, begging me not to proceed.

But I proceed anyway.

The Systems

The systems built into the parking structure entrance and into my vehicle tell me that I don’t belong in this place. They warn me of dangers and limitations. They tell me to stop. Every day. But I don’t stop.

Because they don’t know what I know.

First, I talked with the parking garage staff. I learned where the height is and is not an issue for me. So I know where my real parking opportunities are.

Second, I don’t rely on the systematic warnings from my vehicle to tell me where I will and won’t fit. I look in my mirrors as I negotiate the space. I check my front and rear cameras for feedback. I rely on my own experience. And I believe in my ability to maneuver my own ride.

As a result, I have successfully found a parking space every day I have pulled into the garage for the past 6 months. Despite the daily Tom Petty warnings that say ‘Don’t come around here no more.’

Don’t Let Them Stop You

Throughout your life and career, you will encounter people, policies, and signs that are trying to stop you. Ignore the signs. Ignore the gatekeepers. Ignore the naysayers. Only you know what you are capable of. Believe in your abilities. Believe in your skills. Know that you have the will to achieve your goals. And if there is a real impediment to your progress, believe that you are intelligent enough to discover it for yourself.

Key Takeaway

Don’t worry about cutting it close. Or slow progress. Or barely passing through. The drama only adds to your story. Most people stop when they are warned to stop. Those who experience the greatest success keep going. They see yellow lights, not red. They discover what is really possible. They build and create. They pioneer and achieve. And they enjoy their success even more because they didn’t let anything stop them. Be that kind of person.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Add one valuable new thing to your life every day.

During the 25 days leading up to Christmas, it’s a tradition to count the days with an advent calendar. Each day this calendar is opened to reveal a daily gift. There are a variety of themed calendars. Some offer a good bible verse, a small toy, a chocolate, a saying, or an ornament. (I’m holding out for the mini-oven calendar, where you open a tiny oven door to remove freshly baked muffin tops every morning.) But regardless of the theme, these calendars provide a daily gift to look forward to each day as we get closer to Christmas. Kinda like the Lifetime Network.

For the self-improver, life is like an advent calendar. Every day there is a new gift to be discovered. A new quote. A new idea. A new relationship. A new source of inspiration. A new motivation. A new goal. A new lesson. (And in New Hampshire there is a new Sununu.)

When I wrote my book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? I collected 80 of the best life lessons I have learned and shared them with the world. Many of the people who read the book tell me they use it like an advent calendar. They read one of the 2-4 page lessons every day. Then they apply the new idea, knowledge, or skill to improve their life. As the author, this is extremely rewarding feedback. As the author, it is extremely rewarding to hear that other people get as much out of the lessons I share as I did.

Key Takeaway #1

Commit to making your life a living, breathing advent calendar. Look for your daily gift that makes you better. Then add that new lesson, story, saying, person or idea to your personal treasure chest by writing it down in a journal. When you do you will quickly transform that once-empty journal into the most valuable book in your library. Remember, when you condition yourself to find a daily treasure the treasure will surely appear.

Follow Up…

Within a minute of writing this post, I got a text from my friend Molly Fay, host of The Morning Blend on TMJ4 (NBC) in Milwaukee. She wrote that they had a cancelation for the next day’s show, and wondered if I could fill in. I responded with an enthusiastic Let’s do this! Then she asked if I had a topic in mind related to the upcoming holidays.

I replied, ‘Yes! Advent Calendars.”

The next morning (yesterday) at 9:00am I was on set with Molly and co-host Tiffany Ogle sharing this idea on TV. You can watch the segment here.

Me, Molly, Tiffany, my book, a yellow couch, and two Yeti cups. No partridge. No pear tree.

Key Takeaway #2

Be the kind of person others can turn to when they need help. Because at the end of our days the only thing that really matters is the impact we have on each other.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+If you are interested in daily life lessons for yourself or as a gift, check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The best way to get better is by dropping your bad habits.

You are a product of your habits. That is both good and bad news. Because some of your habits are constructive and make you better on a daily basis. Others are destructive and continuously hurt you. You’ll find many of those kinds of habits in country songs. And in prison.

Identifying Your Bad Habits

Do you know your most harmful habits? The ones that most negatively impact your life? That’s not a rhetorical question. I want you to take a moment to write down 3 to 5 of your bad habits. Then rank them starting with the most problematic. These are the habits that are most detrimental to your happiness, health, reputation, productivity, or success. I’ll wait while you create your list. (If you don’t create yours now we’ll automatically add procrastination to your list.)

My Habits:

I have a lot of good habits. I get a lot accomplished most days. I work hard. I write almost every day. I brush. I floss. I exercise regularly. I spend quality time with my family. And I put down the toilet seat.

But I wouldn’t have asked you to do anything I haven’t done myself. Here are the top 3 bad habits that I would do better without:

  1. Procrastination. I procrastinate on things longer than I wish I did. I have a backlog of incomplete tasks. And I have lost out on opportunities because I have waited too long to pull the trigger. Now, if I acknowledge that I don’t like my procrastination, but put off doing anything about it, that would be ironic, don’t you think?

2. Overeating:  I love to eat. And I am good at it. But I regularly eat more than I should. And I don’t like the impact it has on my physique. I developed the habit of eating a great deal when I was training heavily for competitive athletics. Back then I needed all the calories I could inhale. That was back before my metabolic slowdown, which happened somewhere in my 30s. Today my body doesn’t need the surplus calories from a Meat Lovers Pizza binger. And if I could change this occasional habit I bet I would feel more comfortable at a nude beach.

3. Screen time. I check my phone and computer far more often than I wish I did. This is complicated. Because like you, and Elon Musk, I have a complicated relationship with social platforms. As a blogger and author, I post and share a lot of ideas. Ideas that are intended to have a positive impact on those who read them. And the algorithms reward content that is interacted with. So interacting online is also important. But I would be happier to cut my online time in half. And I don’t care which half.

The Next Step

Now, I want you to pick one bad habit to attack. Because if you can eliminate one bad habit you will improve your life in a profound way. And if you can, you should.

The first step is to change your self-identity. Tell yourself, and firmly believe, that you are a person who doesn’t struggle with (your bad habit here). In fact, you are great at doing the opposite of (your bad habit here.)

To combat my procrastination, I have already adopted my identity as an action-taker and have rewired my decision-making system over the past several weeks. I recognize when decisions and actions are in danger of being put off. And I dedicate time to doing things now. It is making a huge difference, and I feel more me than ever.

Key Takeaway 

A key component of self-improvement is eliminating bad habits. Call them out. Write them down. And start picking them off one by one. Claim your new identity. Then create good habits to replace the bad. Because without your bad habits holding you back you will be much more you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

When your window of opportunity opens will you be ready to go?

This time of year always brings out the Clark Griswold in me. Which means that in late November or early December, I like to decorate my house and yard with Christmas lights. Yet, I try to avoid stapling my sleeve to my house, and kidnapping my boss.

I don’t have a preset date for my lightification. Instead, I watch the weather closely. I’ve been doing this long enough to know that it’s not much fun to hang lights when it is 20 degrees outside. Or rainy. Or huricaney. By contrast, it’s an enjoyable task to do when it is in the 50s or above and sunny. (For international readers, all temps are in Fahrenheit. At 50 degree Celsius I turn into bacon.)

This year we have had a wintry November in Wisconsin. The snow arrived early and stuck around because of the cold temperatures. But as I kept checking the forecast, I noticed that off in the distance, on Saturday, November 26th, the temperature was supposed to warm up into the 50s. However, cold and rain were predicted for the following day. So I knew that yesterday would be my window of opportunity. Cue the Eminem.

I cleared my schedule for light hanging yesterday. And just as predicted, it was sunny, warm and beautiful. It was a perfect day for the task. I hung lights on the front of my house and 8 trees and bushes in my front yard. The universe presented a great window and I made the most of it.

But great windows of opportunity aren’t limited to light hanging. (Thank God.) They occur in all areas of your life. And when you plan ahead you are bound to find them.

My Window Watching

I always wanted to start my own business. That was my long-term career plan. So in 2015 when I had former clients tell me that I should consider creating my own advertising agency and that they had work for me, I knew I had found my window, Pella.

I always wanted to write a book too, but I needed time to do the actual writing. So when the covid lockdown of 2020 began, I knew my writing window of opportunity had also arrived. I got to work. Two months later I finished the first draft of my book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? And now it makes a great Christmas gift.

I look for windows of opportunity for travel, investments, and introductions. I look for windows for fun and for starting new businesses. I look for opportunities to support, teach and encourage too. My radar is always scanning for opportunities. As a result, I find them. And when I find an opportunity I act. And you should too.

Key Takeaway

Windows of opportunity are constantly opening and closing. But you have to be looking for them to notice. That’s why it’s so valuable to create a plan for your life, year, week, and day. Because when you know what you want in life you will recognize the windows of opportunity that open for you. Then it’s Go Time! Because opportunities don’t last forever. That’s what makes them valuable.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How you can get really smart by acting dumb.

In his book, My Father’s Business, Cal Turner Jr., the long-time CEO of Dollar General and the son of the company’s Founder talks about how his grandfather was one of the smartest people he ever knew. What makes this particularly interesting is that his grandfather dropped out of elementary school to help run the family farm after his dad died in a freak wrestling accident. (I’m assuming it wasn’t cauliflower ear.)

Turner goes on to say that his grandfather’s lack of formal education offered a significant advantage.

It says a great deal about Luther Turner that he was able to turn
his third-grade education into a plus. He was convinced that everyone he met was smarter than he, and that he needed to learn some thing from each of them. He became a first-rate observer, a great listener, and a dedicated student of life. What he practiced was more than empathy. It involved valuing the other person and his or her information, insight, and perspective.

– Cal Turner Jr
I was surprised to learn that Dollar General was never actually in the military.

To be clear, I’m not encouraging you to drop out of school after 3rd grade. (Very few of my readers are in the 3rd grade and under demographic.) But it’s important to recognize the danger of assuming you are the smartest person in the room. We all have blind spots which limit us. But if you remain open to the ideas of others you have the potential to become as smart as everyone you have encountered combined.

Key Takeaway

Everyone you interact with has amassed their own unique combination of knowledge and experience. Which means they have insights and perspectives you don’t have. Listen to them. Learn from them. Add their lessons to your own. The only limit to how much you can learn in life is your own curiosity and receptivity.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How to have the best life possible.

I am always looking for insights and advice on how to live a great life. I look for wisdom and nuggets everywhere. I expect you share the same interest in life advice since you decided to read this article based on the best-life headline.

When I find golden lessons I like to share them with as many people as possible. In fact, I recently published an entire book full of 80 of the best life lessons I have learned titled What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? The book lets you consume a lot of actionable insight without consuming the 20 calories packed into those delightfully bland non-cookie cookies. And since there are 80 lessons, the book saves you 1600 calories. So it’s kind of a weight loss book too. (But not really.)

Another Book Recommendation

But I am not the only one who writes about the valuable life lessons they have discovered. Ray Dalio’s #1 New York Times bestselling book Principles is full of great lessons on both life and work. Plus, it is the only book I own that comes with two of those built-in bookmark ribbon thingies.

While there are many great lessons in Dalio’s book here is his simple summation of the entire work.

In order to have the best life possible, you have to:

1) know what the best decisions are and

2) have the courage to make them.

-Ray Dalio

The key insight here is that you have to constantly improve your decision-making ability and increase your courage. Which means that we are all on the Yellow Brick Road with the Scarecrow and the Lion.

Key Takeaway

Constantly upgrade your decision-making skills. Know your own guiding principles. Study the outcomes of your decisions to learn what works. And study the principles of others so that you can adopt their best thinking as your own. Then live life according to your own proven principles. They will not only lead to better decisions, but they will also lead to positive outcomes that will increase your courage to make the right difficult decisions in the future.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Your future is the greatest mystery of all. But you get to write it.

I stopped into a bookstore at the airport in Minneapolis yesterday. Since publishing my first book 11 months ago I look at bookstores differently. Now I study them in great detail.

I am curious to know more about everything. The categories. The book cover designs. The titles. The displays. The shoppers. The best-seller list. The people who work in the stores who don’t look like they spend a lot of time in the sun. Or play sports.

Yesterday I was drawn to the mystery section. I noticed it was where the rockstar authors were. And the big names each had multiple books on the shelves. It was in the back corner of the store. The mystery books were clearly the smelly chunks of cheese that the owner placed at the far corner of the store to lure travelers through the bookstore maze to find the delicious story they want to read on their next flight to Des Moines or Myrtle Beach.

People love a good mystery. I used to read a lot of mysteries too. But now most of what I read is focused on self improvement. Because I discovered that the most interesting mystery of all is me. And my mysteries are endless.

  • Where am I going?
  • What am I going to do next?
  • What am I learning?
  • What plot twists lie ahead?
  • What is going to happen with all of these other characters in my story?
  • What kind of success will I have.
  • How much money will I make?
  • What don’t I know yet?
  • What am I about to figure out?
  • Where will I go?
  • How long will I live?
  • Who can it be knocking at my door? (Go away. Don’t come round here no more.)

Key Takeaway

Your future is the greatest mystery in life. You are both the reader and the author. Write an exciting next chapter staring today. Make yourself the hero. Add great characters. Surprise everyone, including yourself, with an amazing ending. Make it a story that inspires others to achieve their own greatnesss. But don’t wait. Because time is ticking.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Today is Election Day. But you make life-changing votes every day.

It is finally Election Day in the United States. Which means that the political landscape may shift dramatically today. But then again, it might not.

Either way, when you wake up tomorrow morning the political ads will be gone. And you’ll be happy to see commercials from your favorite local personal injury lawyers again.

I hope that you vote today. Or that you voted early, like me. Just don’t do both. And if the election doesn’t go your way don’t claim the election was rigged. It wasn’t. You were just part of the less popular crowd. And politics are a lot like high school.

The Everyday Elections

But today is not the only day you vote.

You cast important votes every day.

Not just for politicians or your favorite new Pringles flavor.

You vote with your actions. (And your non-actions.)

You vote with your time. (Investing or Wasting)

You vote with your attitude. (Positive or Negative)

You vote when you eat. (Both Quality and Quantity)

You vote with your habits. (Good or Bad)

You vote with your wallet. (This is more important than you realize.)

You vote people on and off your personal island. (You social savage…)

And you vote yes or no on hundreds of other decisions every day.

Remember, the choices you make each day make you.

Never forget that.

And don’t waste your votes.

Your future depends on it.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Embrace the difficult things in life. They make you stronger.

I face challenges every day. Big ones. Small ones. New ones. And ones I have seen a thousand times before. As an entrepreneur, I’ve signed up for a life of challenges. As a parent, I’ve committed to helping 3 other humans work through their challenges too. I often feel like a contestant on American Ninja Warrior: Work & Home Edition. But I enjoy hard things. I find great value in the difficulties.

When life throws challenges my way I embrace them because I learn from them. I get better. I discover more about myself and my character. I develop more skills. I realize how capable I really am. #AintNothingGonnaBreakMyStride

The challenges of life are like the challenges of sports. Or video games. They are forms of competition. They are there to test you. To force you to think, learn, strategize and grow. Challenges force you to add tools to your toolbox, plays to your playbook, and tricks to your bag of tricks.

Triumphing over your personal and professional challenges is a rewarding part of the human experience. The more challenges you face the more you feel like you have faced the same type of challenge before. Which means you face each new obstacle with a greater sense of confidence that you can handle it. Because you can, Toucan!

In their training, the military special forces go through some of the most difficult challenges that humans will ever face. But those very challenges also provide the tools and confidence to overcome anything they face later. Both in the military and while shopping at the mall.

The challenges of life are not to be avoided. Or lamented. They are what make life interesting. They are the primary source of self-improvement. They teach you and make you stronger.

To accelerate your growth you can also read about the challenges that others have faced, and how they learned and improved through them. It is why reading is so valuable. It allows you to learn vicariously through the challenges of others without losing a battle, a war, or a limb. Because you can only lose so many limbs of your own.

Key Takeaway

Life challenges help you learn and grow. Each one leaves you better equipped to face the next. Each one adds to your skills, experience and understanding. It is a critical part of the evolutionary process. And it strengthens us both as individuals and as a species. You grow. You adapt. You thrive. And you are better prepared to face whatever comes next.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The 4 simple steps to stronger human connections I learned as a coach.

Yesterday I coached my last youth football game of the season. It was a 3-month commitment of 4 to 6 days each week of practices, scrimmages, and games, beginning August 1st. Plus, as the defensive coordinator, I had to watch our game film at night and scout our opponent’s game film each week. It was a significant commitment of time, energy, and focus. And I loved it.

But there was one thing I didn’t love. The least enjoyable part of coaching in the Wisconsin All-American Youth Football League, WAAYFL, is all of the mandatory online training courses you have to complete to be eligible to coach.

Parents should take great comfort in knowing that their coaches have all been trained in nearly everything related to the health and safety of the players. In fact, I think that the next time I am on an airplane and they ask if there is a doctor onboard I will ring my call button and tell them that while I didn’t technically go to medical school, I did take the marathon health and safety coursework online required to coach in the Mequon-Thiensville Cardinal football program. So I should be good with whatever emergency they were dealing with up in the fuselage.

Yes, we learned how to coach the safest ways to hit and tackle. But we also learned about everything from concussions and heat-related health issues, to heart and neck concerns. And we learned to identify signs of physical and sexual abuse. It’s a lot of heavy stuff to wade through to coach a children’s game.

My Favorite Lesson

But there was one brief unit in our training that stood out the most. It may have felt insignificant to the other coaches compared to the heft of the lessons above. But for me, it offered the best new tool in my coaching toolbox. Granted, my coaching toolbox was pretty empty to begin with. (I only had an old roll of athletic tape and that quote about the size of the fight in the dog.)

The unit I loved was The 4 Points of Coaching Contact. It taught us the importance of developing a connection with our athletes. It provided a simple, memorable framework to follow to connect with each athlete at every practice. My language below may be slightly different than the WAAYFL shares. But the idea is the same.

The 4 Points of Coaching Contact.

1. Eye Contact: You should greet each athlete each day with your eyes. This means, making deliberate eye contact with them daily. (But don’t actually touch their eyes.)

2. Physical Contact: Greet each player with a handshake, fist bump, high five, or pat on the shoulder or back. No bum touching. (That was really part of the broader training.)

3. Ear Contact: This is not about ear flicking or Wet Willys. This is about connecting with a verbal greeting every practice. Say hello in whatever way you say hello. Make it heartfelt. Use their name. There is far great power in this simple act than most coaches realize.

4. Heart Contact: Talk to your athletes about something other than the sport. Ask them how their day is going. Ask about school, their family, or their other activities. Get to know them and develop a relationship with them as a non-athlete. Again, no physical contact with the actual heart is required. Or allowed.

Putting It Into Practice

I thought about The 4 Points of Contact every practice. It used the technique liberally. Although I didn’t hit all 4-points with every athlete every day, I purposefully connected with every athlete as much as was naturally possible. And it made a real difference.

But the impact of this simple relationship-building technique impacted me as much as it impacted the athletes.

Because every time I made eye contact with one of my players, they made eye contact with me.

When we would high-five, fist bump, or shake hands I felt the connective power the way they did.

When I greeted our players by name, they would greet me by name too.

But most importantly, you can’t touch someone else’s heart without them touching yours. It’s the universal law of heartiology. Or cardiology. Or whatever you call it. Remember, I’m not a real doctor.

Key Takeaway

You have an opportunity to connect with other people every day. Connect with your eyes, your hands, your words, and your heart. This approach works wonders in youth sports. But it works just as well in business, in school, within families, and amongst friends. In fact, these 4 points of contact are how we turn strangers into friends. And if you use this approach every day, you’ll find those friends start to feel like family. That’s what happened to our 6th Grade Cardinal Football Team in Mequon, Wisconsin.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my new book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.