Category: life lessons

Here’s the best way to interpret bad behavior.

I am reading a fascinating book titled Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy.

The basic premise of the book, and the inspiration for the title, is that all of us, kids included, are good inside. Kinda like a Tootsie Pop. Furthermore, it is important to remember that when we make bad decisions or exhibit bad behavior, it is simply a reflection of a strong understandable desire, fear or discomfort that manifests itself in a negative way. (Which reminds me of my friend who got yelled at by a flight attendant when she got up from her airplane seat to run to the bathroom as the plane was taking off. But my friend was quite literally pooping her pants. So, yeah, you go to the bathroom girl.)

Good for parenting. But also good if you are a leader or a human.

The Good Inside assumption is a valuable reminder to us all. We know that we are good people. We know that our kids, coworkers, friends, and neighbors are good inside, with very rare Dahmerish exceptions. When you recognize this, you come to a much better understanding of what is really driving poor behavior.

Kennedy introduces the MGI, short for Most Generous Interpretation. (Not Most Gassy Intestines.) If you believe that we are all good inside, it is valuable to consider the Most Generous Interpretation of any negative or problematic behavior. This means that when someone acts up, melts down, or their behavior is otherwise misaligned with norms and expectations, rather than simply cursing and condemning, we should generously interpret the very normal and understandable feelings that are underlying such behaviors.

This MGI enables you to demonstrate empathy and compassion. It helps you arrive at an understanding, and address the real and relatable issue the person is dealing with, not just the negative expression that leaks out. (Like my friend on that plane.)

Key Takeaway

You make the world a better place when you assume people are good inside, even when they do bad things. The best thing we can do for each other is consider the Most Generous Interpretation of each other’s words and actions. It enables us to understand, address and resolve negative behavioral challenges in the most positive way. And that’s a win for everyone.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Remember that even your small steps move you forward.

There are days when you can put massive effort towards your goals.

You have time.

You have energy.

You have inspiration.

You ate your Wheaties for breakfast.

You’re cranking the Rocky theme song on repeat on your Airpods, headphones or boombox.

Those are days that you feel like you are taking one giant leap forward for you-kind.

But…

On other days you don’t have the same resources.

Your schedule is challenging

Your energy is low.

You can’t find your Airpods. And your boombox is out of batteries.

Your motivation has secretly been replaced with slowtivation or notivation.

On those days, lower the bar.

Do something small.

Invest a few minutes instead of hours.

Move forward a few inches instead of miles.

Read a page, not a book.

Spend a few quality minutes not the full day.

Remember, small steps save the day.

And they set you up for bigger, better steps forward tomorrow.

Key Takeaway

Don’t be an all-or-nothing person. All-or-something keeps you moving forward. Do what you can. Support your habits. Maintain your momentum. Tomorrow, you will be glad you did.


*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Here’s a great way to give graduates valuable life lessons.

We’re in the thick of graduation season. High school and college seniors are transitioning into a very different phase of their lives. If they were caterpillars, they would be busting out of their cocoons and butterflying away with a diploma in one hand and their parent’s health insurance card in the other.

This graduation season is the most meaningful to me since my own graduation from Hanover High School in Hanover, New Hampshire. Because my daughter Ava is graduating from high school this year. Well, she should be graduating. But I am a little worried that her high school will realize that when I called her out sick saying she had a combination of Scurvy and Malaria, she was really just skipping school to go to Six Flags.

Today, I am thinking about all the important life lessons I would like to share with Ava. Luckily I have been thinking about this for a few years. (Cue the flashback…)

In March of 2020, at the beginning of the COVID lockdown, I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands. Especially the typing part of my hands. So I began writing my book What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? It’s a collection of 80 of the best life lessons I have learned. I wanted my children to have access to this wisdom and inspiration when they left home. Or when I was no longer alive to share the lessons with them. Whichever came first.

Today, as I am thinking about graduation, I am thankful that I took the time to write this book and share these lessons. Because I did, Ava and other graduates will be able to benefit from my learnings and experiences. These lessons are some of the most valuable gifts I have to offer. And right now I am thinking about lesson 47 on page 152, which says:

Today’s Success Was Born Yesterday.

The relationships you developed yesterday strengthen your support system today, The progress you made yesterday becomes momentum today. The exercise you performed yesterday creates today’s strength, endurance and health. The time you invested yesterday becomes the time you saved today. The reading you did yesterday creates the knowledge you have today. The traveling you did yesterday becomes today’s memories and experiences. The preparation you did yesterday makes you ready for today.

The Special Offer

When I first published What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? the two most common comments I got from readers were:

  1. I wish had read this when I was younger.
  2. This book makes a great gift for graduates.

I always see a spike in book sales in May at graduation time. And tomorrow, Saturday, May 25th is my birthday. To celebrate, and to help get this book of life lessons into the hands of more people who could really benefit from it, I have reduced the price by 25% on Amazon through midnight on Saturday. Which makes this the best time to buy the book as a graduation gift, or to stock up on copies for other occasions.

Happy My Birthday!

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!

-AA

Why it is so important to be in the right place at the right time.

I spend a lot of money on gasoline. And airfare. Then there are the trains, subways, ferries, and those incline thingies in Pittsburgh and Chattanooga.

Why do I spend so much on transportation?

Because place matters.

So we pay to be in the place where the thing is happening, Hot Stuff.

We pay to be in the place where people gather.

If you want to be included you have to be in the place.

If you want to be seen you have to be in the place.

If you want to develop or deepen your relationships, you have to be in the place.

If you want to influence the outcome, you have to be the ace in the place, with or without the helpful hardware folks.

Being in the right place at the right time makes magic, Mike.

It unlocks doors. It finishes the job. Or starts the next one.

As Woody Allen said, “80% of success is showing up.”

If you don’t show up your world shrinks. This includes your engagements, relationships, opportunities and learnings. And no one likes shrinkage.

So show up to the places that matter.

Be in the room where it happens.

Put yourself amongst the people.

Be in the human traffic flow.

And good things will happen.

Key Takeaway

Regardless of technological advances that enable you to work from anywhere, physical locations will always be important. Be where the people are. Attend the events. Increase the chances of chance encounters. Increase your familiarity. Be seen and become known. Be missed when you are not there. Better yet, be the reason others show up.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

What gets you high?

A couple of months ago I was at the airport in Atlanta, along with a few hundred thousand travel buddies, when one young man’s sweatshirt caught my attention. It was a simple black hoodie. On the front of the shirt, it said:

Music Gets Me High.

I loved the shirt. Not because music gets me high. But because the young man wearing it knew that music gets him high. And while I haven’t consulted with the Food and Drug Administration or Nancy Reagan, I expect that music provides a fairly safe way to get high. And somebody should tell that to Willie Nelson.

The shirt, and the young man wearing it, made me think that everyone should know what gets them high.

So the question of the day is:

What activities make you feel heightened and alive? Or euphoric? Or in flow?

This is a far more valuable question to ask yourself if the answer is not related to drugs or alcohol. In fact, the point of this prompt is to find the activities that make you feel great without the chemicals. This is particularly interesting to me because I have never drank or done drugs. But I engage in activities that make me feel great. But because my activities are positive and healthy, unlike Amy Winehouse, they are not trying to make me go to rehab.

So what gets you high?

Discover your most highly rewarding activities.

Find ways to do them more often.

And you will live a highly enjoyable life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Thank you, Moms.

Where would we be without Moms?

We wouldn’t be here.

We wouldn’t be anywhere.

Not in a box.

Not with a fox.

Without Moms we don’t have a chance.

Moms care for us when we can’t do a thing to care for ourselves.

Then little by little, they teach us how to do everything.

How to eat, talk, and walk.

How to dress.

How to stop pooping and peeing in our pants.

Moms teach us how to learn.

They teach us colors, numbers and directions.

They teach us to read and write.

They teach us how to love and show gratitude.

They teach us manners.

And responsibility.

And patience. (Because all we need is just a little patience.)

Mom’s teach us how to say I’m sorry and mean it.

Mothers teach us selflessness. And unconditionality.

They teach us about the life-sustaining power of snacks and naps.

Moms model behaviors for us to follow.

They flag all of our bad behaviors, in case we didn’t know.

Moms teach us how to cook and clean, to launder and shop.

They teach us to give. And to forgive.

They teach us to sacrifice, without harming sheep.

Moms are superheroes who can save you with a hug. Or a smile. Or a strong right arm across your chest when they are driving and suddenly have to brake really hard.

Moms teach us about growing and changing. And that there are many layers, phases and chapters to life.

They teach us that everything will be alright in the end. And if it is not alright, it’s not the end.

Moms give us roots. Moms give us wings.

Moms teach us to pray. And that there is a bigger force out there. Bigger than Mom. Much bigger than Dad.

And Moms teach us how to become Moms and Dads and raise good children of our own.

Thank you, Moms. You are appreciated.

*If you know a Mom who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

If you really want to be inspired look for these amazing people.

When you don’t perform well there are always excuses available. Something about the situation or the conditions can be called on to explain away your subpar results. And often times those excuses sound really good. Like Zooey Deschanel singing in the shower in Elf.

But there will also be people who could have used the same excuse but didn’t. People who could blame the weather, the short prep time, lack of sleep, the economy, or their plantar fasciitis. But the people in question didn’t need to use any of the available excuses. Because they performed at or above the expected standard anyway.

One of the best habits you can create is to surround yourself with the people who perform anyway.

The people who perform anyway are those who experienced challenges and setbacks, were thrown curveballs, had additional constraints, or deficiencies. They had all the same excuses that the excuse-makers had. Yet they performed anyway. They achieved anyway. They succeeded anyway. They finished the job. Even if they weren’t Finnish.

When you train yourself to see the people who performed anyway, you will find a winner’s mindset. You’ll discover people who rise to the occasion, not sink to the condition. These people are found in every area of life. In every corner of the globe, in every sport, business and school. They are found in every economic class. And they will inspire you to perform at your best despite the challenges you face.

Key Takeaway

Excuses are always available. But never necessary. Rise to the occasion. Don’t settle for the situation. Do what you set out to do, regardless of the challenges you face. You will not always be a person who performs anyway. But by looking for those who succeed despite their challenges you will change your view of what’s possible. It will raise your expectations. And you will dramatically increase the percentage of times you perform anyway. That shift will transform your life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Thoughts on extroversion from a raging extrovert who doesn’t believe he’s an extrovert.

I like good theories. They help simplify the world and make it easier to understand. They create order and predictability. But I often find that theories don’t apply to me.

Take the theory that people are either introverts or extroverts. I liked this theory when I first heard it. It seemed intuitive. It seemed obviously correct, at first. But it felt most correct when I applied the theory to others. It has always felt much less correct when I applied it to myself. Kinda like makeup.

Most people would categorize me as an extrovert. They would call me outgoing, personable, or engaging. They may call me a talker. Or talkative. Or loud. And sometimes I am. And sometimes I am not.

My great friend and University of Wisconsin Track and Field teammate Bryan Jones used to call me Sybil, referencing the 1976 film about a woman with a multiple personality disorder. I thought this was a funny observation. B.J. noted how I could laugh and joke around in the locker room, but when it was time to practice or lift weights, everything changed. No joking. Just intense focus, and yes, even quiet.

I am far too complex of a machine to simply label as an extrovert. Although most people will never see past an oversimplified categorization. I am outgoing. I interact easily with others. I can be loud. Really loud. Sorry, librarians. But that’s only part of me. The highly identifiable part. But just a part.

The other part of me is different. I enjoy my time alone. Because I like to think as much as other people think I like to talk. That’s why I enjoy my commute. That’s why I enjoy a long road trip by myself. I enjoy walking the dog, with or without a yo-yo.

While I have met many fun and interesting people on airplanes, I engage with my seatmates less than half the time. (And I don’t mean I only talk half of each flight.)

I write a lot. Writing is a quiet and solitary act. The kind of writing I do for my blog and my books requires a lot of self-reflection and analysis. This is the world of the introvert. And I spend a lot of time in this world. Which is why I identify with The Little Mermaid.

I have heard the theory that extroverts are energized socially. Interacting with others recharges them. Conversely, introverts recharge during quiet time alone. Like a mobile phone plugged in on the vanity overnight.

But this doesn’t apply to me for two reasons.

First, I don’t get my energy from other people. God gave me a lot of natural energy. I have a 2-year-old Border Collie named Lola. I see that God gave her the same energy package I got. It’s replenished with food and sleep. But as long as I do those 2 things, the energy is supplied whether I am socializing or not. Baby, I was born this way.

The other flaw in the theory that extroverts are reenergized by socializing is that, unlike Thomas Jefferson, I don’t believe that all people are created equal. At least not when it comes to socializing. There are loads of people that are not energizing to talk to. They are not interesting socially. And that’s ok. We don’t all need to be the Dos Equis man.

My theory is that people fall into 3 categories.

  1. Socially Energizing: These people are fun to be around. You leave interactions with them feeling a boost. Like those nutritional shakes they swig at nursing homes.
  2. Socially Inert: These people don’t move the needle one way or another. There are a lot of people in this category. Like people who go crazy for vanilla, and wear size medium.
  3. Socially Draining: These people are energy vampires. They suck the energy out of you. Sometimes they are negative. Sometimes they are difficult. Sometimes they are obnoxious. They are the reason you have to enter social situations with a prepared exit strategy. And maybe alcohol.

Remember, not all socializing is the same. Interesting, energetic, charismatic, and fascinating people are energy enhancers. Find those people. Spend time with them. But avoid the drains. You would be better off with a little quiet time by yourself. Regardless of how the world thinks you recharge.

Key Takeaway

Theories are nice ideas. But they are not rules. You don’t have to be categorized. Or labeled. Or stereotyped. Humans are custom-made. We don’t fall neatly into types. We are a messy scatterplot of non-conforming machines. You are hard to understand. So am I. That’s what makes this human adventure so interesting.

If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How do you score points every day?

Rapper Ice Cube is known for his hardcore gangster rap. As a member of NWA, he was the lyricist behind such classic hits as Fuck The Police, Gangsta Gangsta and Straight Outta Compton. As a soloist, Ice Cube penned more angry songs like, Natural Born Killaz, AmerciKKKa’s Most Wanted and We Had To Tear This MothaFucka Up. It seems Ice Cube could use a hug.

But Ice Cube’s biggest hit was the smooth groove It Was A Good Day. In the song, Cube recounts the events of a good day. In fact, the whole song is simply a long list of good things that happened to him in a single, ordinary day. In this positive recounting of a good day in South Central L.A., with no barkin from the dog and no smog, we can all learn a valuable lesson about good days.

Creating Good Days

To enjoy good days you need to know what a good day looks like to you. Because once you know what success looks like you can set up a routine to rack up good day points from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep at night. That’s what I try to do every day, like everyday people.

My Good Day

My day starts like Yung Gravy with a strong morning routine. (Floss 3 times baby I’m so clean.) When I wake up, the first thing I do is put a big smile on my face. When I do, I not only feel good right away, but I also give myself a point for day.

Then, if I get out of bed within one or two minutes of my alarm I give myself another point. I make my half of the bed and get more points. I walk to my bathroom and I do a little bit of light stretching. I weigh myself. And I take a long drink from the water bottle I set next to my sink the night before. For each of these activities, I give myself points. If my weight is good I get bonus points. Bing Bing Bing.

The rest of my day works the same way. If I am sitting at my computer by 6:10 am writing I am racking up points. When I publish a blog post, I earn more points. Then I make breakfast and pack my lunch at the same time. I give myself points for both eating well and saving myself money for not going out to eat. Cha-Ching-Ching

I give myself points for leaving for the office by a certain time each morning. When I sit down at my desk at my office I earn more points for creating my Daily Success List. Then I rack up more points for crossing things off that list, like Listerine.

In the evening I earn parenting points for things like coaching my daughter Ava’s track and field team, or my son Magnus’ football team. I rack up points helping with homework and driving my son Johann to piano or saxophone lessons. And for having a good conversation in the car along the way home.

I earn spouse points by spending meaningful quality time with my wife Dawn. That could be as simple as having a good conversation, watching a movie or a TV show together, taking a walk, or planning an upcoming adventure. You have to earn the spouse points every day. It’s fundamental. Like hitting your free throws, sinking your 2-foot putts or wearing deodorant.

I rack up points by eating well, exercising and reading. I earn points when I reach out to a friend or family member. And when I spend quality time with my 2-year-old Border Collie, Lola. I earn points when I laugh or make other people laugh. I earn extra points if milk sprays out of someone’s nose.

Finally, I earn points by wrapping up my day with brushing and flossing. And by filling my water bottle for the next morning so I can do it all over again. And if I get to bed by my predetermined time I get bonus points. Not only because I met my own expectations for the day, but because I put myself in a position to have a great day again tomorrow.

Key Takeaway

A good day is not about extraordinary events. It is simply a day spent doing the things you value. It is a day when you execute your habits and routines. A day when you live the way the ideal you lives. Give yourself points all day long for living up to your own expectations. You will find great rewards in keeping your commitments to yourself and others. You will enjoy the process of improving yourself and your relationships with your family and friends. You will score career points through your productivity and steady accumulation of results. And by keeping a mental tally of all the positive actions you take throughout the day when you lay down to sleep at night you can take great comfort in knowing that today was a good day. And you made it happen.

If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The right way to do everything.

Life is full of verbing. Because as living creatures there is so much to do. There’s all this eating, cleaning, and clothes-wearing. Then there’s the work. And the communicating. And the passions and hobbies. Throw in the phazillion things you have to do in between all the things you have to do and it’s a wonder you ever get anything done.

But what’s the best way to do your thang?

There are best practices that tell you how something should be done.

There is the old-school approach.

And the new school approach.

And the too cool for school approach.

There is the classicly trained way.

The disrupting way.

The fast way.

The slow way.

And the curds and whey.

But here’s the secret everyone should know.

You don’t have to choose any of them ways.

There is more than one way to do everything. Just ask a skinned cat.

Don’t worry about following others. Or the establishment.

Take your own approach.

Your resources and constraints will always be unique to you.

And just like Harry Styles, your tastes and styles are your own too.

Your uniqueness and individuality are your strengths.

Take a non-traditional approach.

Discover what works for you.

There’s a great chance that you will discover a better way.

Or at least a better way for you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.