Tag: personal growth

Are you your own bestie or worstie?

I have been listening to a lot of Parker McCollum lately.

The country singer just released his 5th studio album, titled “Parker McCollum.” I am not sure how you decide to name your 5th album after yourself. Unless you are The Jackson 5.

One of the songs on the album is titled, “My Own Worst Enemy.”

The song is interesting. And entertaining.

But I can’t relate to it.

I realized while listening to the lyrics of the song that I am definitely NOT my own worst enemy. I have other people for that.

I am not self destructive.

I don’t talk smack to myself.

I don’t beat myself up.

I don’t have a cluster of bad habits or vices that I can’t unscrew.

Unfortunately, my relationship with myself will not inspire a classic country song. Or anything blues related.

But acknowledging that I am not my own worst enemy led to an interesting new question in my squishy gray matter.

Who am I to me?

Since the worst enemy title doesn’t fit me, I started wondering if the opposite was true.

So I asked myself:

Am I my own best friend?

I found that I could make a strong case for the affirmative.

The conversations I have with myself are supportive.

I give myself pep talks.

I encourage myself.

I remind myself of the reasons to believe in myself.

I keep a list of examples of success close at hand for regular reference.

I keep a list of examples of success in my Rolodex to call on when needed.

I start each day with an encouraging talk. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes aloud. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference.

I turn to myself in challenging situations.

I don’t suffer from imposter syndrome.

Instead, I always ask, “Why not me?”

And as much as I enjoy spending time with others, I am quite happy in my own company.

When people don’t like me, I typically consider it to be their issue, not mine.

I laugh to myself and at myself a lot. Which also feels a little loony.

I reminisce a lot with myself.

I reflect a lot on myself.

In fact, this writing is a reflection on my reflection. Which is totally metta.

When I was considering starting the advertising and ideas agency The Weaponry, I really believed I could do it. And I sent myself out to talk to people I thought would corroborate that belief.

I trust myself.

And while I know I am not perfect, I forgive myself for my shortcomings. I work on getting better every day and focus on the potential and the progress. Which is a friendly thing to do for yourself.

Key Takeaway

For better or worse, I act like my own best friend. (Which may also be a sign that no one else wanted the job.) I encourage you to strive to be your own best friend. Encourage yourself. Forgive yourself. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Be kind to yourself. The rest of the world will throw enough challenges your way. Don’t make your relationship with yourself another obstacle to success. Treat yourself as if you were your own BFF. It will make you happier, more confident and more resilient. And you will find there is no limit to what you can accomplish together.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media. And consider subscribing to Adam’s Good Newsletter.

Let your experiences and adventures change you.

This year, I have had a tall flapjack stack of fun and interesting experiences outside of work.

  • I traveled to Nashville in May to visit colleges and enjoy some live music at the Grand Ole Opry. (Although I still have no idea what an opry is.)
  • I spent our family’s spring break in Arizona, splitting time between Scottsdale and Sedona. (I didn’t have time for standing on the corner in Winslow.)
  • I completed a circle tour of Lake Michigan, seeing many things that are not that far away by the way the crow flys or the salmon swims, but quite far away by the way the car drives.
  • I coached 2 great athletes at the Wisconsin State High School Track Championship on the other side of the state in La Crosse.
  • I attended a family reunion in southern Minnesota, in my mom’s hometown of Elkton, with a whole flock of reuning relatives.

How To Profit From Your Experiences

My goal, when I experience such things, is to come back different.

I don’t want these to be inert experiences.

You want the special experiences of your life to have impact.

You want them to expand your view of the world.

You want them to create new or deeper relationships.

You want new learning.

You want new ideas.

You want to grow through each one of your novel experiences and be better as a result. (Your novel experiences don’t have to include a novel.)

You want to be a different and more capable version of yourself after the experience than you were before. (And you want to maintain all of your limbs and phalanges.)

When you aim to grow, expand and improve through your experiences, you will always find your path to accomplish your aim.

You will spot things you have never seen before.

You will recognize the learning, the lessons and the insights when they arrive.

You will grab the opportunity to meet new people you encounter. And you will find that each new person you meet will change you in some way. Sometimes these changes are large and profound. Other times, they are small and seemingly insignificant. But if you genuinely try to get to know people in a greater way, you will walk away a greater person.

Key Takeaway

Throughout your human experience, always look for ways to grow. Collect and connect dots. Add new humans to your world. Expand your circle of friends. Upgrade your world view. Come back from your experiences and adventures smarter, wiser and more informed. It helps generate excitement and curiosity every time you leave home. And it brings you back better, wiser and more creative than you were when you left.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.And consider subscribing to Adam’s Good Newsletter.

Embracing Vulnerability: My Sunday Lesson.

On Sunday at church, I sat unusually close to the front of the sanctuary. My wife Dawn and I started a walk n’ talk with Pastor Bill Knapp in the narthex, and ended up walking him down the aisle until we got to the altar. Since we didn’t qualify for the exclusive seating on the altar, we sat in the second pew. Or the second row, if you don’t use the word pew. To me, this is the real first row. Because who sits in the row without a pew rack in front of them? People with nothing to hide from God?

I noticed things from that ultra-close vantage point that I had never noticed before.

  • There were more people wearing jeans to church than I realized.
  • I saw people who walk to the altar for communion but didn’t kneel to partake, presumably because their kneelers no longer kneel.
  • I noticed how the choir files out to the choir-itorium up front, then circles to the back of the church to grab a little bread n’ wine. (Emphasis on the little.)
    • I discovered the patterns the distributors use to return to the beginning of their side of the altar after working across the altar to distribute the Jesus goodies.

The Children’s Sermon

But I also witnessed something interesting during the children’s sermon. About 20% of the way through the service, our pastor invited the wee folk to come up to the altar for the children’s sermon.

Within seconds, I saw a young boy dash down the aisle like an eager bride on her wedding day. The boy sprinted to the altar, jumped the 2 steps to the main stage, and hit a hook slide across the wooden floor to a spot at the dead center. And just a foot in front of Pastor Bill. It was such an amazingly enthusiastic Dukes of Hazard way to show up for the word of the Lord that I couldn’t help but admire the young boy’s enthusiasm and aggressiveness.

After all the other kids filed up to the altar and took their seats crisscross applesauce-style, I saw another very young boy slowly approach the altar. This boy looked very timid, and unsure. He squeezed his father’s hand. And as he passed just in front of me, I heard him whisper to his dad, ‘Stay with me, ok?’ I then watched the loving father sit on the edge of the altar, with his arm around his son, so that the boy felt comforted in this scary, vulnerable and foreign situation.

After witnessing both boys approaching the same children’s sermon in the same church with such drastically different styles, I couldn’t help but consider which of these boys I identified with.

The answer came to me quickly and obviously:

Both.

While I love the eager, enthusiastic approach of Hook Slide Sven, and often employ a similarly energetic entrance, there are times when I feel like Timid Teddy.

When I was young, I felt that way a lot in specific new and confusing situations. Over the years, the balance has shifted dramatically. My moments of timidity today are few and far between. But they still happen. I don’t look meek. But I feel like I have no idea what I am walking into. But like Timid Teddy, I go anyway.

It’s important to recognize the value of experience. Anything you do can be scary and intimidating the first time. But do it anyway. Because everything you do is easier the second time. I see Hook Slide Sven at church all the time. He’s altared countless times for the children’s sermon and to sing in the children’s choir. He’s very comfortable in that environment. Which makes it easy for him to show up as his authentic hook-sliding self.

Timid Teddy was trying. Good for him. And good for you when you try something new, go somewhere new, eat something new or wear something new and bedazzled. It’s ok to show up feeling uncomfortable. That’s how you grow, learn, expand your world, and develop life skills and confidence. And once you are confident in a situation, help bring others along.

Key Takeaway

Sometimes you will feel confident, energetic and aggressive going into situations. That’s great. That is you at your best. Embrace and enjoy when you feel like that. It comes with experience. But know that it is ok to feel unsure, unprepared, apprehensive and cautious. The world does a good job of making us feel like that when we are out of our element and out of our comfort zone. When you feel unsure, but go, do, try, ask, join or partake anyway, you are growing. And that is just as valuable. Because when you do, you gain comfort and confidence. And you will soon be sliding into the same situation like Bo Duke, Rickey Henderson, or the boy at my church.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

25 Lessons to guide you through 2025.

At the beginning of a new year, I attempt to put my accumulated wisdom to good use. I reflect on the important lessons I have learned so I can project a better year ahead. A year that is packed with the things I consider most important. And a year that minimizes or eliminates the things that work against me. Like sweet tea and peanut brittle.

As a part of this process in 2025, I made a list of reminders as I start the new year. You may find some value in this. Or the value may be in deciding to create your own list.

25 Lessons to Remember in 2025

1. Use your time. It’s your most valuable asset. It’s finite. Don’t waste it. Even if you are sitting on the dock of the bay.

2. Do hard things. They are the most rewarding.

3. Do something valuable for yourself first thing every morning. That is your golden time. The filet of the day. It’s even better than a Filet O’ Fish.

4. Don’t overlook the compounding effect. Good habits, exercise, kindness, investing, being trustworthy, writing, brushing your teeth. They help more the more you do them.

5. Surrounding yourself with great people leads to a great life.

6. Weigh yourself every day. It provides a direct link between your actions and the results. Both good and bad.

7. Reach out to others first. The world is full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.

8. Get rid of the things that don’t serve you. It works the same way editing makes your writing better. It helps you move faster and lighter. And frees up space in your brain.

9. Find a passion project. These help make life more fun and enjoyable. Remember, you are the one responsible for putting fun and enjoyment in your life.

10. Discover your purpose. This is your lifelong quest. The sooner you find it the more meaningful your time after it will be.

11. Don’t stay in a job that has you dreading Mondays. Move along. There is a better option for you. (Unless your job is dreading hair. Then, you should probably also dread on Mondays.)

12. Develop and maintain connections across multiple generations. You can learn a lot from those older and younger than you. Like how to turn on the remote. Or what a manual transmission was.

13. Provide value before you try to extract value. This is always the order.

14. Be an imperfectionist. Take action first. Improve as you go. Be comfortable with mistakes. They are approximations that get you to the right answer faster.

15. Always bet on yourself. It’s the safest bet you will ever make. And listen to Kenny Rogers.

16. Call your parents while you still can. If you no longer can, then make sure to recall your parents often.

17. Remember that you are part of a trustee family. You are entrusted with carrying the family legacy forward for all of those who came before and those who will come after you. Recognize what others have done to put you where you are now. And do your part for those yet to come.

18. Make new memories with old friends. This is the best.

19. Set lofty goals and plans to achieve them.

20. At the end of our days, the only thing that will matter is the impact we have on others. If your actions are selfish, your impact dies when you do. (Note: impact is also a leading cause of death.)

21. Exercise is the best medicine. And it’s available without a prescription.

22. Those who laugh the most have the best life.

23. If you can delay your gratification you can achieve anything.

24. Always do what you know is right.

25. If you can’t eat, sleep. If you can’t sleep, eat. (I use this one more than you know.)

Bonus Jonas:

26. Give people more than they expect.

Key Takeaway

Through trial and error, and through your readings, and wrongings, you will discover great lessons. Collect them. Remind yourself of them often. They will serve as reliable guideposts to health, happiness and success. And they make for a great inheritance for you to pass along.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

5 Things you should always be working on for a happy, fulfilling life.

If you met a genie who could grant you 3 wishes do you know what you would ask for? I do. I would wish for happiness, fulfillment and a lifetime supply of cheese curd flavored Pringles. Unfortunately, when I was in 3rd grade, my friend Todd Brudos told me that genies are not real. They are just something lamp polish manufacturers made up to get you to polish your lamps.

So today, I no longer dream of genies. Instead, I now realize we must work for the things we want. And if you want happiness and fulfillment, the key is to figure out what brings you those things well before you are in hospice care or the electric chair.

Through my own research, trial and error, and a couple of lucky guesses I have discovered that there are 5 things to work on for a happy, fulfilled, and rewarding life.

Here they are, in a particular order.

5 Things You Should Always Be Working On.

1. Your Health: When you stop working on your health, your health stops working on you. Eat right. Sleep right. Exercise. Drop habits that are hard on your health. Keep your weight in the healthy-and-feels-good zone. See your doctor and dentist regularly. Get naked and do the uncomfortable exams when you are supposed to. (Although if your dentist asks you to get naked for an exam consider getting a second opinion first.) If you could use a little help with your mental health see someone there too.

2. Your Relationships: At the end of our days the only thing that will really matter is our relationships and the impact we have on each other. Develop more relationships. Develop better relationships. And see your people in real life. Live life like you want to have a packed house at your funeral. And not just because people want to make sure you are really dead.

3. Your Time Utilization: Time is your most valuable resource. And it’s constantly slip-sliding away. Make sure to use your time wisely, old owl. Do things now. Plan your days, weeks, and adventures in advance. Recognize the things that waste your time and eliminate them now. You’ll thank me later, when you have time.

4. Your Growth: Growth means getting better. Aim to get better every day in every way. Read and learn. Reflect on your experiences to gain wisdom. Surround yourself with great people who you can learn from and model. Develop great habits. Improve your listening skills. And your compassion. Become a better model of yourself every day. Even if you are already a supermodel.

5. Your Wealth: When you grow your wealth, your other opportunities grow too. So does your peace of mind, freedom, and the size of the duffel bag you need to carry all of your money when you leave the country. And like the old saying goes, ‘Mo Money, Mo Pringles’.

Key Takeaway

To make the most of your short time on Earth focus on what matters most. Take care of your health to maximize the quantity and quality of your life. Develop and maintain your relationships. Make great use of your time while you have time. Focus on growing your wealth to grow your opportunities, freedom and peace of mind. And get a little better every day.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Are you in soil that supports your seed?

There are many types of soil.

And there are many types of seeds.

But not all seeds thrive in all soils.

In fact, some seeds get packaged in a bag and sent to a ballpark to be chewed up and spit out before they get their chance to blow, like Eminem said.

The key to growth, happiness and success is to plant your seed in soil that supports you.

Then sink your roots down deep, and bloom baby bloom!

So if you aren’t thriving and blooming, onion, it’s time to find new soil.

& This has been a 7 Sentence Sunday Post. Just 7 sentences. (At least just 7 sentences before the little 3-dot divider thingie.) These are quick thoughts before church. Or after church. Or before football if you don’t mark your Sundays with church. Or, if you don’t do church or football, it’s simply 7 sentences before Monday. (Plus this rambling descriptor of how simple the post was supposed to be before I overcomplicated it.)

+For more of the best lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Here’s the most underrated influence on your growth and improvement.

Comfort vs Discomfort

It is one of the most interesting battles in the human experience.

We have an innate drive to seek comfort. To find safety. To avoid suffering, pain and awkwardness. Which is why we keep those pictures taken during puberty tucked safely away, only to resurface in wedding reception videos.

But if we give in to our desires for comfort our world shrinks. Our growth stops. And we squander our time on a couch, in bed, or on a lounger at the beach attempting to explain away our shrinkage.

But there is another epic force within all humans. The desire for growth. The yearning for self-improvement. The hunger for badassery. (Which science has proven to be even greater than the hunger for whatever you gave up for Lent. #peanutM&Ms)

The Power of Discomfort

Human growth is stimulated by discomfort.

That discomfort comes in many forms.

Putting yourself in new and novel situations.

Pushing your body physically to the bounds of your strength or stamina.

Trying new unnatural behaviors and responses.

Attempting techniques that feel foreign.

Applying the non-intuitive.

To become the best version of yourself, abandon the safe and face the threatening.

Because each time you do, you grow. You learn. You expand. You strengthen. You improve. And you increase in valuable ways.

Helen Keller, one of the greatest growth artists in human history (but a terrible driver) put it this way:

‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’ -Helen Keller

Question for you:

How much time, energy and thought do you put into making yourself comfortable? Compare that to how much you focus on creating personal discomfort. As you change that ratio you will change your life.

Key Takeaway

To become the best version of yourself it is important to get comfortable with discomfort. Seek it out. Create it. Embrace it. Because discomfort is the condition that precedes all growth and improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

You are going to make mistakes. And when you do, make sure to forgive yourself.

To be successful at anything you have to try. Trying is the requirement that proceeds all progress and growth. But when you try, things don’t always work out the way you planned. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you make mistakes. And sometimes you have an epic wardrobe malfunction.

Failure and mistakes come in all shapes and denominations. I have made a frajillion mistakes as an entrepreneur, writer, speaker, coach, parent, husband, son, brother, friend, neighbor and driver. Heck, I once dropped my 6-month-old over a railing at a Zoo. I have made so many mistakes you could fill a museum with them. But if you do, make sure to put it on a large piece of land. Because like Boeing, you will need to keep adding wings for all the mistakes I still have in store.

While I certainly make mistakes and get things wrong on my self-improvement journey, I also do something right. I recognize that making mistakes is part of the process. So I don’t beat myself up over them.* In fact, I am quick to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. (*When Dr. Dre wears Beats by Dre headphones, does he feel like he is beating himself up?)

Because I am quick to forgive my mistakes, they don’t eat away at my confidence. I expect mistakes and recognize that I am nowhere near perfect. So the blemishes and shortcomings and missteps don’t damage my self-construct. Conversely, I expect to learn from my mistakes. And I expect to steadily improve as a result. Because that’s what I was born to do. #warmitupchris

Easter had me thinking a lot about forgiveness. In fact, once you get past the bonnets, bunnies and brunch, you remember that Easter is all about the forgiveness of sins. And sin is just a short biblical word for mistake. In the Christian faith, Jesus was the ultimate forgiver. (That guy was dying to forgive people.) That was really his main thing. Plus, he invented a very popular necklace. You’ve probably seen it.

Holding on to your mistakes and focusing on them is the biggest mistake you can make. The best thing to do is acknowledge your mistakes, study their causes, learn from them, and put systems and processes in place to prevent them from happening again. Then move on. Recognize the value in your mistakes. Profit from them. Even thank them for the lesson. And then leave them behind. You are not your mistakes. They are simply a byproduct of having a human experience.

Key Takeaway

Mistakes are an unavoidable result of trying. It’s hard to get things right all the time. Especially when you are interacting with other complicated humans. But the big mistake is dwelling on your mistakes too long. Learn the lesson. Let them help you grow and improve. Then forgive yourself. It will lighten your load and prevent you from becoming a problem to yourself. Remember, you have to be your own greatest advocate. That includes giving yourself permission to get things wrong, forgiving your mistakes, and always believing that tomorrow you will be better than you are today.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Why January is a great time to feel uncomfortable.

Happy New Year! That is what we say to people in January. But Januarys aren’t supposed to be happy. Not even if you are a Gilmore. Or Pharell Williams.

In November you should feel thankful. In December you should feel Joy. (Comfort & Joy…) But in January, if you are doing things right, you should feel uncomfortable.

January is meant to be a time for change. It is a time for new goals, resolutions, and habit alteration. (Even if you are not a fashionable nun.)

If you are introducing new habits, new thinking and new actions don’t expect to feel happy right now. Expect to feel uncomfortable. And the more comfortable you are with feeling uncomfortable now, the happier you will be later.

Feeling uncomfortable now is a sign that you are trying something new. You are changing your routine. You are creating a new habit. You are experimenting.

You feel uncomfortable when you take new risks. It is a sign of growth. And learning. This is how you push your own envelope. This is how you discover better approaches.

This is January stuff. This is New Year stuff. This is how you get to the new You.

Key Takeaway

A great year of growth and improvement begins with changes in January. Feeling uncomfortable right now is a great sign. Getting uncomfortable now is how you break through to a new level of comfort later. Keep going. It gets better. And so will you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

How to think about your future like a great new home.

I have bought 5 homes in the past 20 years. I know a lot about the process. After all, I do it every 4 years. Which means every time you watch the Summer Olympics, vote for president, or admit you were wrong, I am buying a house.

The critical first step to buying a home is considering how much you can afford. You start with a price range, that includes the minimum and the maximum amount you would spend. You know, like something between $200,000 and $300,000. Ish.

Then you shop for your home. The final price of the house you buy falls in one of two places:

  • A. At the top of your price range
  • B. Above the top of your price range. (Am I right?)

The challenge is that once you see how good the homes at the top of the range are it is hard to settle for anything less.

Applying this to the rest of your life.

To maximize your life, approach it the same way you approach purchasing a new home.

This means that you should have minimum expectations for your life. And you should have maximum expectations for your life. This includes relationships, careers, adventures, investments, health and anything else that leads to your happiness and sense of achievement, accomplishment and fulfillment. (Basically all the ments.)

Then, like with the home buying example, push yourself to the top of your range. Or beyond. Don’t settle for less. Always strive for the upper limit. Because when you do, you will often find yourself above it.

Key Takeaway

Imagine what you are capable of at your best. Then don’t settle for less.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.