Category: personal development

Why you should use books to bolster your network.

Your network plays a critical role in your success. It is your safety net when you fall. It is your advisory council when you need advice. It is your feeder system of opportunities. And it is how you find a white Ford Bronco when you are running from the law.

Your network helps you tap into the wisdom of wicked smart people with great experience, ideas and philosophies. It has been said that your network is your net worth. Which means that if you don’t have much of a network you likely don’t have much money either.

However, developing a great network of friends, relatives, and acquaintances that can support, guide and share opportunities with you can be hard. It takes time and energy to develop and maintain your network. And your network-developing capabilities can be severely limited by your geography. Just ask Siberian Sergey. Who is Siberian Sergey? I don’t know. He lives in Siberia. Which is why neither of us know him.

The Great Substitute

The best substitute for a strong real-life network of helpful human folks is a great library of books. Think of the authors and the people profiled in the books you read as part of your circle, like Edie Brickell.

Authors generously share a lifetime of accumulated knowledge, experience and wisdom with you for $15- $30. That is a bargain you should snatch up whenever you can, Toucan Sam.

Biographers share the great life stories, lessons, paths, philosophies and mistakes of some of the most successful people to ever roam the planet. So add the biographized to your network. They often have the most to teach. And when you wonder What Would Walt Disney Do? you can quickly get the answer by reading the great biography, Walt Disney by Neal Gabler.

It may be a small world after all, but this book is big. And full of mice.

I have books in my library about Walt Disney, Cornelius Vanderbilt, Steve Jobs, and Ted Turner. They have all provided valuable guidance. And not one of them has slapped me with a restraining order for getting my nose in their business.

The first book to buy when starting your own business, or once you realize you should have bought a book when you started your own business.

I have books like Atomic Habits, Deep Work, Principles, Traction and The E-Myth that teach me how to develop great habits, get to the important work, and run a business. I have books like Rich Dad. Poor Dad., The Richest Man in Babylon, The Intelligent Investor, and Think and Grow Rich to teach me how to make, invest and grow my money. (I don’t recommend any of the books by Chuck Ponzi. That guy was always scheming.)

Just look at who reviewed this book for the cover.

The great authors and the biographized icons are ready to share with you what they know. They are never too busy for you. They provide amazing counsel and examples for you to follow. And if you have any subject you want to learn more about you can simply search the topic on Google or Amazon and find the book you need in your network now. (Although you can always buy said book from an independent bookstore in your community. Unless you live in Siberia.)

Key Takeaway

Your network is one of your most valuable assets. But when you need guidance that you don’t yet have in your human network you can often find a great substitute in books. Collect great titles on a great range of subjects to strengthen your network and inner circle of knowledge. And when you find books you find helpful, share them with your real-life network. It is one of the best things we can do for each other.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Remember, what’s obvious to you now is extremely valuable to others.

I met with an entrepreneur earlier this week who has a startup. My friend is in the early stages of his newborn business where you don’t get much sleep and you change a lot of diapers. (Your own.)

As my entrepreneur friend talked about his startup experience, I realized I had advice that would help with each of his challenges. I shared some actions to take, resources to employ, strategies to consider and helpful materials to read. I also shared the relative merits of Zantac, Tums and Rolaids for heartburn and upset stomachs. Because I know what Rolaids spells.

I could tell that my friend found my guidance valuable. Both because he told me it was useful and because he later texted me and said the same thing. (I’m quick like that.)

However, what I shared wasn’t complicated, specialized or exclusive knowledge. It was simply logical common sense. Or so I thought. Until I thought about it more.

The Insight

It’s important to recognize that much of what feels like logical common sense to you today was once completely foreign and unknown.

You improve your logic and common sense every day. It is a byproduct of your experience and education. The more logic and common sense you accumulate the more valuable you become to others, both as a user of your own knowledge and as a coach, mentor or advisor. (Those are all different things. My friend Stacy Sollenberger taught me that in the book Guide Coaching.)

Since you were a wobbly, pooping-you-pants toddler you have collected a lifetime of logic and common sense. You have racked up far more than you know, and in more areas than you recognize. Realize that others don’t know what now feels obvious and commonplace to you. That makes you a valuable resource to people who are one or more steps behind you. You can offer tremendous help when you pass your baton of wisdom to them. (And good job not pooing yourself anymore.)

Examples

-As an entrepreneur, you can share your wisdom with anyone who is behind you.

-As a career haver, you can pass your knowledge to anyone junior to you to help them advance their learnings at a faster pace than they could through their own experience alone.

-As a married human you can share your learnings with anyone considering getting married, newlyweds and others passing through the various phases and challenges of the most important relationship you will ever have. This is true even if you are bad at marriage because you have discovered what doesn’t work. Like Edison said about his lightbulb moment.

-As a parent, you can pass along great insights and approaches to both new parents and parents who are passing through phases you have already passed through, like the valley of the shadow of death. Or raising 3-year-olds.

Key Takeaway

As you accumulate knowledge and experience it can camouflage itself as common sense. It is not. It just feels like logic because it has become an obvious truth to you. Recognize the value of your earned wisdom and share it with those trailing behind you on the learning curve. It will help them accelerate their own growth and impact. It will help them accumulate wisdom that will increase their value to the world. And as the people you share your knowledge with pass your baton of wisdom to others your positive impact on the world compounds without end.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Baby, you are a firework!

You are a firework.

Like Katy Perry said.

You are packed full of potential.

Potential to soar.

To shine.

To blow up in the best way possible.

You have the potential to create a big bang, Sheldon.

To turn heads like The Exorcist.

To make people ooh and ahh.

You have the ability to fill others with wonder.

To make people smile.

To grab the attention of those near and far.

Yes, the ability to glow, sparkle and light up the world is all inside you. Even if you are not a natural-born arsonist.

But like the firework, your potential requires a spark to ignite.

Your potential must be directed upward so that it soars instead of skids.

And it requires patience, like Axl Rose said.

It takes time to reach the height you are after.

It requires a steady stream of energy to prepare, propel and position yourself for your time to really shine.

But keep going.

Keep burning.

Keep climbing.

It will be worth the work.

And worth the wait.

Happy 4th of July.

Seek out inspiration that makes you dream differently.

I recently stopped into an REI in Medford, Oregon. My 13-year-old son Magnus has been growing like a legal weed. Which meant he needed a new pair of hiking boots as we began a family hiking adventure on the West Coast. Although a trip to REI is like a Costco run. You always buy things that weren’t on your shopping list. And those Darn Tough socks are darn tough to keep out of your shopping basket.

As we paid for the boots and socks for our party of 5, we also requested a National Parks annual pass. The cashier helping us inquired about our travel plans. We shared that we were hitting several great hiking spots, including nearby Mt. Shasta (which even sounds refreshing), Lake Tahoe (where they invented the large SUV) and Yosemite National Park (home of Sam the red mustached gunslinger).

When we mentioned Yosemite the woman’s eyes lit up and she swooned. She shared that both Mt. Shasta and Lake Tahoe are beautiful and great places to hike. Then she added:

“But Yosemite will change the way you dream.” -Swoony REI Associate in Medford, Oregon.

I loved that.

I had a lot of time to think about that statement during my 11 hours behind the wheel between Medford and Yosemite. I reflected on the things I have encountered throughout my life that changed the way I dream. They were special and varied. They are some of the greatest gifts of my life. They inspired me to explore the world and become an author and entrepreneur. They include:

  • Epic National Parks like Glacier, The Grand Canyon and The Rocky Mountain National Park
  • Entrepreneurs Ted Turner, Cornelius Vanderbilt, and Steve Jobs
  • Artists Walt Disney, Christoph Niemann and Gary Larson
  • Adventurers Lewis and Clark, Shackleton, and Red Bull
  • Writers Anne Lamott, Annie Proulx, Erik Larson, Stephen King, Daniel Pink and Ryan Holliday (which I say like Madonna)

Key Takeaway

Seek out places, experiences and people that change the way you dream. Discover influences that change your sense of what’s possible. That expand your belief in your own capabilities. Those sources provide tangible examples of what your world can look like. They move or remove boundaries, allowing your mind to travel farther than ever before. Once you’ve been exposed to enough possibilities you start to wonder if there actually are impossibilities. Which is when your dreams become biggest. Aim for that. There is nothing better.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The best way to respond to those who are better than you.

There’s a good chance that you are not the best at what you do. At least not the very best in the whole wide world. After all, there are 8 billion people squished on this planet. Which is why the line at the deli sometimes takes so long.

You will often find yourself surrounded by people who are better than you are at all kinds of things. Dancing, basketball, school, entrepreneurship, parenting, juggling, wearing clothes, or wearing no clothes.

When you find yourself surrounded by people who are better than you at something, use it as a source of inspiration, not intimidation.

Recognize how much more potential you have.

Study those who are better than you. They are an excellent resource. They are showing you what is possible. Borrow their approach. Steal their moves. Or be inspired by their originality.

You can be overt or covert in your approach. You can spy on them in secret. Or you can approach them and ask for their advice. Both work. I know. I’ve experimented. But if you get too close, the spying in secret is more likely to end with someone calling the cops. #thingsIlearnedthehardway

It is a gift to be exposed to those better than you. They force you to reevaluate and recalibrate. Allow yourself to be propelled by their positive peer pressure.

But to benefit from exposure to people who are better than you, you have to adopt a growth mindset. You have to believe that you are capable of more and better. When you do, the superior doesn’t make you feel inferior. It expands your mind and helps you see what you are capable of achieving.

Key Takeaway

Seek out other people who are better than you are. Surround yourself with them. They are a gift. They demonstrate what is possible. They provide a model for you to follow. It is your mindset that interprets the greatness in others as inspiration or intimidation. Always choose inspiration. It is the source from which all great improvement flows. Follow its path. And soon you will find others following you.

Writer’s Note:

At the Nike Outdoor National Track & Field Championships 2 weeks ago my daughter Ava threw against some of the best competition in the country. She had her second farthest throw ever in the discus. When I told her how proud I was of how she performed on the big stage she’s said. ‘When you find yourself surrounded by people who are better than you at something you have to use it as a source of inspiration, not intimidation.’ Which was the inspiration for this post.

+ In the cover photo for this post the man to the left of the podium is my legendary college track coach Ed Nuttycombe. It was a great full-circle moment for me to watch Nutty hand my daughter Ava her medal at the Myrhum Invite meet earlier this spring.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

The nice surprise at the end of my long day of trains, planes and automobiles.

Recently I had a long day of travel to the West Coast. It started with a 1-hour round-trip drive to drop off our Border Collie Lola at her Pet Lodge. Then we had a 1.5-hour drive to Chicago. Followed by a train ride from the remote parking lot to the terminal at O’Hare International Airport.

My family and I arrived 1.5 hours before our flight was scheduled to take off. But then the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Finally, after a 4.5-hour flight, we landed in the Pacific Northwest. (Note how adding the word Northwest dramatically changed the meaning of that last sentence.)

After we landed we proceeded to the rental car counter, picked up our car (not literally), and drove 30 minutes to the hotel. It had been quite a day. When I walked into the hotel I approached the front desk with a big smile and enthusiasm, which is my default mode. Immediately the two staff members at reception lit up and commented on how they loved my energy. Especially since it was well after 10pm.

The person checking me into my room asked to see my ID. I enthusiastically handed him my new license, which I had just renewed the week before. He exclaimed that I really brought the energy in my license photo too. The other person behind the front desk chimed in about it and mentioned that her driver’s license was from Hawaii. Which allowed me to drop some McLovin references. And we all had a SuperGoood laugh.

As we finished the check-in process the clerk handed me my room keys. They were to an upgraded room on the top floor of the hotel. Then he handed me my parking pass and said, ‘No charge for the parking tonight. Thank you for bringing such great energy to our hotel tonight.’

Key Takeaway

Your personal energy is one of the most valuable assets you can share with other people. You don’t have to be a rockstar or a motivational speaker to make people feel good. Just share your energy and your good attitude. It elevates moods. It transforms situations. It reminds us all what life feels like at its best. When you share your energy with the people around you, it helps them do the same. And the ripple effect helps make the world a better place. Heck, you might just get a better room and free parking out of it.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

What gets you high?

A couple of months ago I was at the airport in Atlanta, along with a few hundred thousand travel buddies, when one young man’s sweatshirt caught my attention. It was a simple black hoodie. On the front of the shirt, it said:

Music Gets Me High.

I loved the shirt. Not because music gets me high. But because the young man wearing it knew that music gets him high. And while I haven’t consulted with the Food and Drug Administration or Nancy Reagan, I expect that music provides a fairly safe way to get high. And somebody should tell that to Willie Nelson.

The shirt, and the young man wearing it, made me think that everyone should know what gets them high.

So the question of the day is:

What activities make you feel heightened and alive? Or euphoric? Or in flow?

This is a far more valuable question to ask yourself if the answer is not related to drugs or alcohol. In fact, the point of this prompt is to find the activities that make you feel great without the chemicals. This is particularly interesting to me because I have never drank or done drugs. But I engage in activities that make me feel great. But because my activities are positive and healthy, unlike Amy Winehouse, they are not trying to make me go to rehab.

So what gets you high?

Discover your most highly rewarding activities.

Find ways to do them more often.

And you will live a highly enjoyable life.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Have you thought about your personal curb appeal?

Everyone who has ever shopped for a home knows the term curb appeal. It refers to the immediate impression that a home makes when you pull up to it. It’s the real estate version of judging a book by its cover. Only it’s a really big book. And the cover features a circle driveway, begonias, and a couple of garden gnomes.

Brand Curb Appeal

Brands and businesses have to think about their curb appeal too. You have an opportune moment to impress your potential customers when they first encounter your brand. That first impression can either help sell or unsell customers before you even mention the advantages of your non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant on cereal. Or sledding hills.

Personal Curb Appeal

But it’s also important for us to think about our own personal curb appeal. When people encounter you for the first time what do they see? What do your clothes, shoes and hair signal? What does your posture say about you? What message is your face sharing with the world? Do you have RBF? Or PMF? (Post Malone Face)

Is there something in your personal curb appeal that helps you stand out from the crowd and makes you interesting, unique and memorable? If not, think about what that could be. What’s your signature attribute? Just as a home benefits from a beautiful door, noteworthy landscaping or remarkable lighting, you also benefit from your memorable differentiators.

If you don’t yet have any memorable differentiators, now is a great time to discover something that serves you well. It could be something about the way you dress. Hats, shirts, ties, pants, belts, socks and shoes are all great options for creating interest and distinctiveness. So are other accessories, like watches, glasses, purses, canes and monocles. And you will really stand out if you rock 2 monocles at once.

But your personal curb appeal can also be enhanced by the way you carry yourself. Your visible energy, warmth, friendliness, happiness, charisma, kindness or professionalism can make a strong first impression, even from across the room, or across the street. Those attributes help make you immediately noticeable, likable, recognizable, and several other ables that are able to create immediate and lasting advantages for you.

Key Takeaway

It is important to consider your personal curb appeal. A home’s curb appeal helps increase the perceived value of the home. Your personal curb appeal will do the same for you. It helps you get noticed. It helps people remember you. It will inspire others to seek you out. Which helps improve your network and exposes you to more and better opportunities. You’ll find that life is better when great people and great opportunities are magnetized to you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Here’s the most underrated influence on your growth and improvement.

Comfort vs Discomfort

It is one of the most interesting battles in the human experience.

We have an innate drive to seek comfort. To find safety. To avoid suffering, pain and awkwardness. Which is why we keep those pictures taken during puberty tucked safely away, only to resurface in wedding reception videos.

But if we give in to our desires for comfort our world shrinks. Our growth stops. And we squander our time on a couch, in bed, or on a lounger at the beach attempting to explain away our shrinkage.

But there is another epic force within all humans. The desire for growth. The yearning for self-improvement. The hunger for badassery. (Which science has proven to be even greater than the hunger for whatever you gave up for Lent. #peanutM&Ms)

The Power of Discomfort

Human growth is stimulated by discomfort.

That discomfort comes in many forms.

Putting yourself in new and novel situations.

Pushing your body physically to the bounds of your strength or stamina.

Trying new unnatural behaviors and responses.

Attempting techniques that feel foreign.

Applying the non-intuitive.

To become the best version of yourself, abandon the safe and face the threatening.

Because each time you do, you grow. You learn. You expand. You strengthen. You improve. And you increase in valuable ways.

Helen Keller, one of the greatest growth artists in human history (but a terrible driver) put it this way:

‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’ -Helen Keller

Question for you:

How much time, energy and thought do you put into making yourself comfortable? Compare that to how much you focus on creating personal discomfort. As you change that ratio you will change your life.

Key Takeaway

To become the best version of yourself it is important to get comfortable with discomfort. Seek it out. Create it. Embrace it. Because discomfort is the condition that precedes all growth and improvement.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.

Want to be an overachiever? Here’s the simple formula.

My friend Steve recently left me an interesting voicemail. He called to talk about some of my kids’ recent successes. But I couldn’t answer when he called because I was busy with kids’ stuff. It felt like I was living the lyrics from a sappy country song that you might use for a graduation or wedding video. (I will totally be making that video, with that song.)

When I listened to Steve’s voicemail, the following line stood out:

‘Wow! From what you have been sharing on social media lately it looks like your kids are really overachievers!

-Supportive Steve

Specifically, the word overachievers donged in my head. (Kinda like the dong you hear every time you see Long Duk Dong in 16 Candles.)

I know that Steve was being kind. And, yes, I share my 3 teenage children’s successes on the socials. But I never thought of my kids as overachievers. So I asked my wife Dawn if she thought our children were overachievers. She laughed and fired back an emphatic No! So I knew I wasn’t crazy. Or a bad dad. (At least not for this.)

So I found myself analyzing the word Overachiever. Overachieving is really about exceeding expectations. That is not what is happening with my children. In fact, my 3 kids are generally at the standards we have set together.

This is a result of 4 important factors.

  1. We have discovered and supported our children’s talents and interests.
  2. We have set reasonably high standards.
  3. We think long-term, and set long-term goals
  4. We believe in the power of compounded effort.

As a result, our children have put a significant amount of effort into various combinations of academics, music, and athletics. (There also has been a significant amount of effort put into not emptying the dishwasher.) And you get out of life what you put in.

The Not-So-Secret Formula

The key to achievement is to identify your talents and interests. Then work consistently to develop them into strengths over a long period of time. This means several years. Or decades. When you do you will pull away from those who dabble at the same activities.

Because when you doggy paddle you don’t make much progress. But if you learn a basic swim stroke, and apply it repeatedly, day after day, year after year, you can swim across an ocean. And when you get to the far shore, people will say, Wow! You swam across a frick’n ocean! How did you do that? The answer is simple. ‘I learned a swim stroke, and just kept repeating it until I ran out of water.’

Success is usually some combination of the following two areas:

1. Gaining strength or stamina

2. Refining technique

Both of these things are done slowly over time. Most people don’t have the patience to stick with these activities long enough. They become bored. Or distracted. Or don’t feel like the effort is paying off fast enough. But if you stick with your activities long enough you will find yourself in another world. Thanks to the compounding effect of your efforts.

So what is overachieving? It is simply normal achieving, done consistently over a longer timeframe.

Key Takeaway

To become an overachiever, find your talents and interests. Do the little things you need to do to improve in those areas. Practice your technique. Work on your strength. Build your stamina. And then just don’t stop. Eventually, those efforts will carry you past all of those who put in less effort, inconsistent effort, or stop working altogether. When you surpass those who achieve the norm, you will be considered an overachiever. And people will call you to congratulate you.

*If you know someone who could benefit from this message, please share it with them.

+For more of the best life lessons I have learned check out my book, What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? from Ripples Media.